Kindness Hack: How It Makes You Happy

Gram’s Wisdom 60: The kindness and happiness relationship.

Being kinder is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating people kindly should not feel like an imposition or another task added to your already long list of items to be checked off.

It’s the outward display of living positively. Kindness is about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness a habit. Ever notice that being kind to someone makes you feel good too? It’s because altruism promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also work to reinforce positive social behavior. By laying down new neural pathways, you set yourself up for living a kinder, happier life.

My Gram wouldn’t have known any of those things and I doubt she would have cared even if she had known. Gram always seemed happiest when she could be of use to people. She understood all people need kindness at some point. Gram was interested in what people were going through and how they felt. She always seemed to have the right words to say to the person who was hurt, confused, or upset. But more than anything Gram believed that as individuals we should be kind to others wherever we can. And to be unkind was the worst thing you could do.

Here are some scientifically proven tips for engineering kindness into your brain.

    1. Choose to be kind.

In choosing to be kind, you are consciously resetting your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Choosing kindness isn't just a passive act; it's a change in your behavior and the world around you. Notice the effect of your kindness on others. When you smile, you see faces that mirror your positivity. Their natural reaction is to smile back. You’ve set up a kindness loop that continues to pay itself forward, creating a wave of goodwill. Ripples of compassion spread outward, touching many unknown lives. And the beauty? That ripple circles back to you.

Even on days when you feel low, a conscious act of kindness becomes a ray of light. Witnessing the joy in another's eyes ignites your own heart, sending a sense of purpose through your being. Negativity fades away, replaced by the power of connection. It's a wonderful paradox, choosing kindness for others morphs unexpectedly into your happiness. At that moment, you understand – happiness isn't found, it's created with each kind of act you perform.

• The active nature of kindness: It's not just a fleeting feeling, but a deliberate choice with impactful consequences.

• Ripple effect: Kindness's impact spreads outward and returns to the giver.

• Mood boost: Choosing kindness can brighten even the dreariest days.

• Purpose and happiness: Kindness connects us to others and brings personal fulfillment.

    2. Do more random acts of kindness.

Turns out, happiness isn’t just a lucky charm. Research studies have shown that carrying out five random acts of kindness every week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay-it-forward coffee to allowing another driver into the traffic with a smile and a wave, or the selfless act of shoveling snow from your neighbor’s sidewalk. These seemingly small gestures will make you and the other guy feel good. It’s a lovely exchange – you spread kindness, and in return you get happiness.

Remember, kindness isn't just about random acts of generosity, it's a way of being in the world. By your behavior and kindnesses, you cultivate a kinder, more compassionate version of yourself, one brain scan at a time.

    3. Be kind to yourself.

Self-kindness begins with attention to the narrative running through your head. Is it one of encouragement, cheering you on with “yes you can”? Or is it a harsh critic, muttering doubt and negativity? Today, choose a different tune. Exchange the criticizing voice for one of moderation. One that says, “You’ve got this”. Pay attention to that voice in your head and change the message to kindness.

Build small acts of self-care into your day. Reward yourself for the big wins. But don’t forget the small things, a completed task, a morning walk, a moment of reflection. Prioritize the things that make you feel good. Whether it’s curling up with a good book, savoring a delicious meal, or losing yourself in a creative flow. Don’t forget that self-kindness is also about your body. Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated, and eat a nutritious diet.

    4. Gratitude rewires your brain for kindness.

Most people have heard of the power of counting blessings. Research has shown that focusing on the good things in life, and practicing gratitude, makes you happier. But it doesn't stop there. Research is proving that cultivating gratitude, the act of appreciating the good things in your life isn't just a feel-good practice. When you take time to count your blessings, your brain does some cool things. Studies show that the areas associated with stress shrink, while regions linked to self-awareness, empathy, and compassion grow.

 How does this translate to kindness?

·By regularly noticing the good things, even the tiny moments, you re-mold your neural pathways. This isn't just mumbo jumbo - brain scans show dramatic transformation.

• Increased self-awareness: By appreciating what you have, you become more mindful of yourself and others. This makes you more sensitive to their needs and feelings, opening doors to acts of kindness.

• Boosted empathy: Gratitude builds connections. When you recognize your blessings, you're more likely to acknowledge and appreciate the good in others, leading to more compassionate actions.

Simple ways you can be kinder today.

Being kind isn’t difficult. Once you’ve set your mindset to ‘Kind,’ you’ll notice all kinds of opportunities throughout your day to reach out and be kind to someone.

As a bonus, once you’re in the kindness loop, you’ll notice you feel happier and more fulfilled. Scientists call this ‘the helper’s high’ as altruistic acts trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high’.

• Kindness becomes second nature: As your compassion grows, it becomes easier to be understanding, forgiving, and helpful.

• Stress-less, connect more: With less anxiety clouding your mind, you connect more deeply with others, fostering authentic kindness and empathy.

Here are some examples of ways to include kindness in your day.

    1. Stop. Let a pedestrian cross the street or allow another driver into the traffic.

    2. Say please and thank you.

    3. Say good morning and good night to your colleagues.

    4. Smile at a stranger.

    5. Hold the door for the next person.

    6. Hold the elevator.

    7. Let someone with only a few items go in front of you in the grocery store.

    8. Do a coffee run for your colleagues.

    9. Hug your loved ones.

    10. Push the trash bins out for your neighbors.

    11. Mow your elderly neighbor’s lawn.

    12. If you’re going to the store, ask your neighbor if you can pick anything up for them.

    13. Try volunteering at your local soup kitchen or shelter.

    14. Be the bigger person and let the other guy have the coveted parking space.

    15. Stand up for someone on the bus or subway.

    16. Ask a stressed-out co-worker if you can help.

    17. Help wash the cups after a meeting.

    18. If the photocopier is running empty, replace the toner and fill the paper bin.

    19. Buy surprise flowers for your partner.

    20. Give some coins to a street entertainer.

    21. Pledge to stop complaining for a week.

    22. Join your company’s mentor or buddy program.

    23. Leave a book or magazine on the subway or in a bus station.

    24. Donate your excess art supplies or craft materials to an elementary school.

    25. Encourage your kids to sort through their stuff and donate items in good condition to charity.

    26. Donate money to your favorite charity or non-government organization.

    27. Notice what your partner or colleagues are wearing and pay a few compliments.

    28. Ask a friend or colleague how they are and listen to the answers.

    29. Reach out to family members or friends, send a text message, or call them to see how they are.

    30. Clean up your neighborhood. If you see trash in the street, pick it up and put it in the bin.

Allow your compassion to spill over into your actions. By appreciating the good in your life, you become more familiar with the struggles and joys of others. When you realize the value of what you have, you naturally feel more inclined to share it with others. You're more likely to offer a helping hand, a kind word, or a smile.

My final thoughts.

I have always liked the descriptive way the ripple effect sounds as a kindness metaphor. Being kind to the person next door turns you into a neighbor. Rippling further out is your community, and further again is your town. It’s the care and consideration we show to people that make a society.

For more information, check out these posts.

Kindness Matters Guide.

It’s A Less Kind World We Live In.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Taking Action On Your Intention

Gram’s Wisdom 42 Act on what you want from your life.

Actions speak louder than words. We are all familiar with that saying. Right? Yet, moving through life unintentionally is taking the path of least resistance and stumbling into what success you can find. The people who find success in this way are the exception, not the rule. Luck will always run out for people who do not prepare or have something to fall back on.

The basis for the feeling that life happens to you and is out of your control begins in childhood. It’s hard to go from being that child, told how to live, to “well, what do you want to do with your life now that you are out of school”? Is it any wonder that many people only live on the surface, unfamiliar with what it is they want from their life?

My Gram challenged me as a teenager to get to know myself and my values on a deeper level. She told me; that I should use the knowledge of what I learned to understand what I want my life to look like. She said a person successful in life can see the link between where they are now, what their goal is, and what it takes to move toward that point.

Gram believed this kind of life success aimed to provide direction and focus. Gram told me that is how you become the person you want to be, so you can live the way you want to live. Her thought was that your life should reflect who you are. Fast-forward to today and people call this an intentional living mindset.

If you don’t act these are just words.

There is more to choosing a life that matters than having good intentions. You intend to catch up with your friend over coffee, but you never do it. You intend to volunteer at the local soup kitchen, but there is always a reason why you can’t. Or you intend to leave the job you hate and begin a new career, but you never do.

If you make an intention to change, but you don't change, your true intention is to never change. The biggest problem that many people have when trying to act with intention is they do not know what they want. They chase one shiny object after another, and they never get anywhere.

To do something intentionally means to do something purposefully. It's intended. That means it involves a plan of action. You need an objective, a destination.

So, acting with intention means thinking about it. Acting intentionally means acting on a purpose. So, while people talk about acting with intention, you can focus on being intentionally intentional. You are going to think about it, and then you're going to act. This is what it will take to reveal your potential. Once you crack that nut, everything will feel possible.

How do I begin?

The first step is to set a goal, but before you can set a goal you need to know what you want. If you don't know what you want, your first step is to figure it out.

The second step to acting intentionally is setting an end goal. You can't run a race if you don't know where the finish line is. So, where is your finish line?

Now that you have a finish line in mind you can develop a plan. How are you going to get to the finish line?

The next step is the biggest – you can't get to where you're going unless you start acting. You can set all the intentions in the world, but unless you start acting on those intentions, nothing will change. You need to act on every intention you set.

Once you begin your journey, don't give up. You can't give up if you want to be intentionally intentional. You can regroup, you can correct course, you can reboot your plan – none of those things are quitting.

Quitting means stopping and if you stop you will have failed. Nothing less than that counts as a failure because you're on a journey that will take time and effort. You need to give yourself the space and grace to take that journey to its completion.

Just remember, lasting change will never happen by accident. Despite this, a lot of people choose to cruise through life without a plan. And while some of them will find success regardless, you can't rely solely on luck to get you by.

More Than Intentions.

Intentional living forces you to question the significance of your life. It motivates you to act, to find creative ways to succeed, it's energizing, inspiring, and encouraging.

So, what do you do when you want to make a difference and choose a life that matters? You can start small and do common things better than anybody else can because ultimately, you'll reach excellence. How do you start small while believing big?

• Begin right where you are, with just one thing before you expand.

• Pay attention to the words you use.

• Make small changes, little changes accumulate into big things.

If you want to lead a life that has meaning, you need to put others first. Instead of thinking about what you will get out of doing something, think about how your actions could benefit others. Start by learning to appreciate others and listen to their stories. Before you act, take a moment to see things from their perspective and put yourself in their shoes.

You can add value through positive thinking and positive actions. You can impress people by bragging about your success, but you can add value and impact people by discussing your failures.

Your why is one of the biggest aspects of intentional living. If you have a good handle on your why you can focus on it completely. It helps you make sense of what you encounter on your journey, it is the lens through which you see everything and will help you find your way.

We are made to live out a purpose, and they will all be different. If you live without meaning, you live without hope. If you live with meaning, you live with significance. Knowing your why will help you focus on the right things, boost your self-confidence, and keep you motivated.

Live intentionally.

You are the main character in your story, so, start living like one. And you can begin by asking yourself the three questions below.

1.  Can you become the best at what you do?

This is a question about your skills and talent. You already have skills you can use to help others. 

2.  Do you feel passionate about what you're doing?

This is a question about your heart. The feeling of leading a significant life begins in your heart because that's where your desire stems from.

3.  Do you have the resources to make a change?

This is about your tools and resources. If you want to make a difference, do you have the resources necessary to go out and make that change in your world?

My final thoughts.

Living intentionally will form the cornerstone for all your growth moving forward. It will serve as the foundation of everything you hope to achieve.

Think of purpose as the rudder to steer your direction. If you need a reminder, ask yourself every morning why do I do what I do? This is your focus, and the answer should fuel you through another day.

If you want to change something, the only way to make those changes is to act with intention. If you try to make changes without intention you will be unlikely to meet much success.

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For more information, read this post.

6 Steps To Live With Intention: Live Intentionally Not Habitually

How Do You Live Intentionally?

Society would have us believe a busy life is a successful one. Our society also shows us that the external is more valuable than the internal. Yet we live in a world where our mental health problems are sky-high. But we have a choice. We can control our lives with intention or allow fate to handle things.

If you think intentional living sounds confusing and complicated, you're probably not alone. It does sound quite daunting, but it's a way of life and you can use it to create a better one. You have maybe seen it discussed online or even overhead people discussing the concept. It's all over the place these days, but what on earth does it mean? What does intentional living look like? Can anyone do it?

Of course! It's simply living your life with purpose. But before you can do that, you must identify what you want your life to look like. The heart of intentional living when you reduce it down to its basics is about living a life that reflects your values and beliefs. It's about directing your life and being proactive instead of being reactive, always fighting against the latest cataclysm.

Living with intention looks different for each person because everyone has different values. For you, it could mean taking long walks with your partner because you prioritize quality time and movement. For your friend, it could be scheduling their favorite activities because their highest value is self-care. Maybe another friend prioritizes spirituality, so they make a habit of going to church every week.

Why does it matter?

There are plenty of benefits to living intentionally. First and foremost, when you live a life of intention you respect your values and beliefs, which has two major interlinked benefits. Intentional living helps improve your mental health and one of the reasons for this is it is an excellent stress management tool.

If you are living a life with a purpose that reflects your deeply held beliefs, you won't need to stress out over every decision because your values act as your north star. And a stress reduction is positive for your mental health. You'll also be much happier, partly because you're less stressed and enjoying better mental health, but also because you will feel more inner peace from the manner with which you are living your life.

All those feed into intentional living. It’s about making conscious choices and acting in a way that aligns with your values. Living with intention gives you control; it helps you show up every day and tap into your inner power. It supports present living by defining the life you want and delivering on it by taking intentional action. It can be profoundly satisfying because it helps you lead a fulfilling life.

What does it look like?

It's important to know that even though it's a powerful choice to make, living intentionally won't bring you endless joy or peace. It isn't always easy, particularly at the start. It will probably be awkward; it might feel challenging. But isn't any major change in your life the same? The more you persevere with it the more it will become second nature.

Why is it so hard at the beginning? Many of your values and beliefs will be a consequence of your upbringing. For many people, it's difficult to process that these values you absorbed from your culture, family, or religion no longer serve or resonate with you. You need to give yourself the space and grace to deal with this at your speed.

The world is all about distraction and that can easily tear you from your intentional journey. You can't let anything deter you from the journey you choose for yourself. You need to learn how to shut out or at least turn down the noise.

Then you need to identify your values because they are the foundation of intentional living. If you already have your values nailed down, then you're ahead of the game. It's worth taking the time to understand why your values are important to you and what activities tie into them. Do they share anything in common?

So, what does intentional living look like? It looks different for everyone, but there are certain tips you can act on regardless of the values that best reflect your beliefs.

Create a morning intention.

Intentional living looks like living your values. It means taking action that aligns with those values and making decisions that reflect your beliefs. It's an everyday practice, and if you decide out of alignment, you can always do better tomorrow. It takes time to get into the swing of things, but if you seek to stay true to your values, you're doing the best you can.

So, how do you take an intention and break it down to daily living? You can start with a morning intention – it can be a sentence or just a few words. It might be a reminder of how you would live to make choices or behave. Make this part of your morning routine and tie it into a ritual like meditation. It will become as routine as a morning cup of coffee in no time.

Awareness and focus.

You don't have to start over, change your entire life, or walk away from everything you know to live intentionally. It’s about living your life with awareness. You can bring intentionality to how you live currently. For example, while you prepare dinner, try to tap into all your senses. When you run errands or do chores try to connect the why.

So, you're washing dishes, so you can provide meals for yourself and your family. You're hanging laundry, ironing, and cleaning to care for yourself or create an organized and peaceful home. You can also pay more attention when you move your body – notice how it feels. And when you exercise, you can tie it into an intention such as choosing yoga to feel more deeply connected to your physical self.

Small variations like this are a useful way to reframe and refocus.

Small changes.

You can create small changes that are done habitually and will eventually make a large impact. Scale back on social media use before bed. Create a morning ritual to connect to yourself and savor quiet time rather than rushing about stressing. Schedule a weekly call or meet up with friends to nurture your relationships.

Recount your day.

You begin your morning with intention, and you should end the day similarly. Bedtime is an excellent opportunity to recount the way your intention contributed to your day. You may, or may not choose, to journal this; you can simply think about them. If your number one value is compassion, then you can quietly think about all the times you were compassionate throughout the day.

What do you want in life?

If that isn't enough to convince you to live an intentional life, check out these 5 additional reasons.

1 | Presence

Living with awareness forces you to focus on the here and now, which means you notice what brings you joy and what doesn't.

You begin to get a grip on what lights your fire and fuels your motivation. It naturally makes you more present and the more present you are, the more awareness you develop.

2 | Improved relationships.

Living intentionally obliges you to take responsibility for what you can control and let go of what you can't. Improved relationships are a natural by-product. Intentional living forces accountability.

3 | Healthy boundaries.

Self-confidence is key when it comes to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. You feel comfortable enough to say no when you're running low on time or energy.

You stop feeling guilty about saying yes to the things that serve you. You start to recognize toxic relationships that drag you down. That's the perfect recipe for setting and maintaining boundaries that serve you well.

4 | Improved mental health.

By shining a spotlight on your mental health. You notice just how important it is to take care of your emotional wellness.

Self-care is an important component of good mental health. The trickle-down effect touches every other part of your life.

5 | Improved physical health.

Stress is one of the biggest risk factors for poor health.

Intentional living is an excellent way to reduce your stress levels. Focusing on the present helps block out a lot of stress you have about past mistakes and your future.

With the improvement in your mental health, your physical health is bolstered.

My final thoughts.

Intentional living is a holistic lifestyle and once you start to embrace it, you will begin to see all the benefits listed above. I believe your objective in life should be to serve your values and pursue joy, living intentionally is a perfect way to unlock that.

So, what are you waiting for? Give it a try. Begin living intentionally today.

For more information, please read these posts.

An Intro To Intentional Living How Not To Live On Auto-Pilot

Create An Intentional Life Using These 10 Tips

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Ways For You To Choose Happiness

More to happiness than positive thoughts

People may tell you to think “happy thoughts” or to think positively if you want to be happy. And they would be right, and, they would be wrong. Happiness is a mindset, a powerful feeling. If you want to be happy it takes more than just positive thoughts. It also takes positive action. 

While the dictionary defines happiness as “the state of being happy” which gives you very little information about the idea or feeling of, or state of happiness. Let’s look at some different things that happiness can be, but realize that in truth, happiness is in the mind of the beholder.

You have what you need  

When a person is happy, they usually don’t even have any needs that aren’t being met to the level they want them to be met. It doesn’t mean that someone is not having a hard time it’s all about how you make what you have fill your needs.

You feel satisfied

When you are happy you tend to feel simply satisfied with your life. You think about your life and feel good about it. You feel very satisfied when you look around your life and see all the fortune you have whether it’s where you live, who you live with, or just about yourself doesn’t even matter.

You’re contented

A happy person tends to feel really content about the things in their life. They feel content about their job, their home, their things, their health – nothing is nagging at their mind about anything causing stress. But remember happy people do have stress, they’re just better at feeling content even when things aren’t perfect.

You feel peaceful

A happy person often feels a lot of peace surrounding their life and family. They tend to know that everything will turn out okay and are good at turning negativity into positivity.

You define your happiness

The truth is, happiness is how you define it personally for you. It’s not about getting tons of stuff unless you want that. It’s not about finding a spouse unless you want that. It’s not about having kids unless you want that. It’s all up to you and  your definition of  happiness.

It’s a journey

Happiness is not a destination that you get to one day and stay at. It’s a lifelong journey that will have many ups and downs and struggles. However, overall the ups and downs of life, you manage to feel good about it. In the 1989 movie, “Parenthood” one of the main characters, a mother, who is struggling states that she loves “the roller-coaster” of life while her husband is struggling and not as happy because he focuses on the downs instead of the ups.

How you act

When you are happy you tend to act in more positive ways over all. When happy, you eat better, you move more, you think differently. Don’t worry. You have it in your power to be happy where you are in your life right now.

Happiness is more than thinking positive thoughts. Happiness is having your needs met, but it’s not about having everything, or even the best, it’s about being satisfied with what you have while also being able to work for the things you want. While you do have to do more than think positively to really and truly feel happy, it does start with your thoughts. However, it will manifest with your actions. 

For another look at happiness see my past post, Acting How You Want To Feel.

Five ways being happy is important

You probably have happiness as one of your life goals, whether it’s explicit or not. It’s probably up there with being healthy, wealthy, and wise! There are some solidly good reasons why it’s important to be happy, and some of them will surprise you.

1.   Happiness feels marvelous

Happiness is wonderful purely for its own sake. When you’re happy, you feel energetic and content. All is right with your world, and you naturally want to spread your good vibes.

2.   Being happy is good for your overall health

When you’re happy, you flood your brain with endorphins and other positive hormones like dopamine and serotonin. Your stress levels go down, along with your blood pressure and your heart rate.

Happy people are more resilient in the face of life’s stress; they tend to be better able to roll with the punches and come up smiling. If you’re happy, you’re less likely to suffer from heart disease, inflammation, and chronic disease. You’ll age better and even live longer!

3.   Success doesn’t mean a thing without happiness

Every day you can read about successful, wealthy people whose lives are out of control due to the pressures of celebrity, drug addiction, or alcoholism. Their success hasn’t automatically meant happiness for them. So, if you think that being rich or having a new car or being famous will make you happy, think again. If you hate your life, no amount of success will bring you joy.

4.   Happy people have better relationships

Happiness is contagious and attractive. We see happy people as more trustworthy and stronger leaders. They are also likely to have a wider circle of friends, have better interpersonal relationships, and are more likely to have a romantic partner.

5.   Being happy makes you a nicer person

It seems that happiness and empathy are linked. Happy people are more likely to share their good fortune and help others.

Happy people are also less violent and more peaceful. Researchers think that positive emotions make us more likely to seek a win/win solution and change the way we think.  

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions”.

   Dalai Lama XIV

Four truths of happiness

Stop for a moment and think about what true happiness is. Guaranteed it’s not a new car or a big house. True happiness comes from within and isn’t dependent on possessions. You can find real happiness in the following truths.

1.   Happiness is found in a full life

You can be happy even if things in your life aren’t going the way you planned. A full life has ups and downs, setbacks as well as achievements. Happiness means finding meaning in whatever is happening around and to you. Being grateful for whatever you’re experiencing will make for a happier, more satisfying life.

2.   Your happiness doesn’t depend on other people

Often people put their happiness in the hands of others. They need external validation to feel good. But relying on other people’s good opinion of you isn’t a healthy way to live.

Check in with how you feel deep in your heart, do the best you can, and let other people worry about themselves.

3.   Happiness is not pretending

Social media is full of people pretending to have perfect lives. They don’t. No one does. The happiness you see on TV or your social media feed may be genuine, maybe not. But remember everyone is showing the best of their lives. Likely a lot of them are pretending to be happier than they are. No one is going to post their latest fight or talk about being fired.

So, the online world you see, that’s full of promotions, and happy families is an illusion. The real world is much more nuanced, and real happiness doesn’t happen in a bubble.

4.   Your happiness comes from within you

It might sound like a truism/cliché, but true happiness does come from within yourself. If you expect someone else to make you happy, whether it’s a partner, friend or child, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. And giving them an unrealistic and unfair responsibility. The only person responsible for your happiness is you.

True happiness comes from a deep connection to yourself, from self-knowing and self-acceptance. And once you have that, all your relationships will be energized and happier. 

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Acting The Way You Want To Feel

Why Acting How You Want to Feel is Important

We all want to maximize our potential in life, to achieve our goals, be happy and experience fulfillment. In the end, we all want our dreams to come true. The trick is how do we make this happen? There is plenty of information out there as regards to maximizing your potential, reaching your goals, or making your dreams come true. Which bit of information can you believe? Which one is right for you? Better yet, which one works?

One of the best ways to determine what will work for you is through trial and error. You certainly want a technique or program that will provide actual, tangible benefits when you put that information to work. One of the most effective self-improvement techniques out there is acting how you want to feel. Check out this post from the usual bliss ACT the way you want to FEEL.

This technique is based on the simple concept that just as thoughts influence actions, actions have the power to influence thoughts, and by extension feelings. Many of us go through life allowing feelings to dictate our actions. If we feel positive emotions, we take positive actions that achieve the positive results we desire. However, by feeling negative emotions, we take negative actions that cause negative consequences.

We’ve all heard about the power of positive thinking. If you think positively, then you get those powerful, positive results that allow you to reach your goals. The problem is that positive thinking cannot be faked. You can pretend to have a positive attitude. You may fool the outside world that you are actually positive. However, a fake positive attitude cannot fool the real judge – you. Unless you truly experience positive emotions, you will continue to take negative actions and produce negative results. It’s that simple. If you want to learn about the power of positive thoughts check out this post from Mindvalley The Power Of Positive Thoughts.

The theory of positive thinking has actually got the concept completely backward. It’s not positive thinking that’s powerful. It’s actually positive actions that are powerful. You see, when you act in a certain way, your actions have the ability to influence your thoughts. Even if the actions feel forced or awkward, they still have consequences. You still see results from those actions. These results reinforce the strength of those actions. As a result, your actions begin to have an effect on your outlook and your emotions. You begin to feel the way you’ve been acting.

What Does It Mean To Act How You Want to Feel?

Have you ever wondered why you feel the way that you feel sometimes? Have you ever done something and then, at a later time, or even immediately wondered why you acted the way you did? If your answer to either of these questions is yes, you’re not alone. We all, at one time, have regretted doing or not doing something, saying or not saying something. The thing is, there is absolutely no reason to have these regrets.

We all, at one time or another, have felt we were being held hostage by our feelings. Negative emotions, prevent us from fully enjoying all the wonderful things that life has to offer. These negative emotions can take many forms – shyness, fear, or lack of confidence to name a few. The thing that they all have in common is that they prevent us from getting those things that we really want.

The key to living a fuller and richer life, one free of those restricting negative emotions, is deceptively simple. It’s so simple that most people reject it out of hand as being too easy, too good to be true. That’s unfortunate because all you need to do to rid yourself of negative emotions is to begin acting how you want to feel.

Four Examples of Acting How You Want to Feel

While you might think that your actions follow your thoughts, just the opposite is true. This means that if you can act the way you want to feel, your feelings will follow suit.

Example 1 | Say that you’re shy. You find social situations awkward and uncomfortable. Because of this, you pass up opportunities to get together with other people. Many of these opportunities are events that you really want to attend. You like people and you want them to like you in return. It’s just that your shyness is like a barrier between you and the rest of the world.

All you need to do to eliminate this problem is begin acting confidently, even if you don’t feel confident inside. It’s initially difficult to do, but fairly quickly you find people responding positively to your confident attitude. You begin to enjoy socializing. Acting confident begins to make you feel less shy. Because you act with confidence, you begin to feel confident. All of this occurred because you began to act the way you really wanted to feel.

Example 2 | What does success look like? Very often success looks confident. This means that if you want to appear more successful, you need to act with more confidence. Walk like you own the world. Talk like your dreams are about to come true. When you start to act like you’re successful, you begin to adopt a more successful state of mind. You exude confidence and that confidence changes the way you think. Once you start acting successful, you’ll be surprised at the opportunities life presents to you – opportunities that you’re now mentally ready to take advantage of.

Example 3 | How do you begin to feel healthier? It’s easy. All you have to do is begin acting in a healthy manner. You see while our thoughts have the ability to influence our feeling the opposite is also true. Our actions can also influence our thoughts. So start taking healthy actions. Stop taking elevators. Use the stairs instead. Reject your urge to eat fast or processed food. Start eating fresh, low-fat foods. Soon, you’ll start seeing some amazing changes. You actually are going to start feeling healthier. Why? Because you are healthier. Take a look at my post on Food and Your Health.

Example 4 | If you’d like to feel more happiness in your life, start by simply finding those things that bring you joy, and do more of them! If bird-watching makes you happy – do some birdwatching and watch your feelings accompany your actions! The true key to happiness is allowing yourself the permission to be happy! So find what it is that makes your heart soar – and do it!

I choose happy, and being an introvert I choose unafraid. What will you choose for yourself?