9 Best Life Lessons I Learned From Gram

Gram’s Wisdom 56

There is something exceptional about grandmothers. They seem to have a knack for making you feel special. Grandmothers always know how to make their grandchildren smile. They love to laugh and have a good time with them. Grandmothers are also the most loving people, always ready to offer a hug or a listening ear.

Grandmothers have often faced many challenges in their lives, but they have always endured. They are strong and resilient, and they never give up. Despite their strength, grandmothers are also gentle and kind. They have a wealth of experience and wisdom to share, and their words of wisdom can stay with us for a lifetime. 

My Gram’s words have been rattling around in my brain for 60 years. They are the same words I use with my grandson. They are the same words I have been sharing in these Gram’s wisdom posts. She once told me, “How we do things changes, the reasons for doing them never change.”

Here are some life lessons that anyone’s grandmother might have passed on:

Be neat and orderly.

Keeping your home clean, neat, and orderly is timeless advice. A devotion to cleanliness isn’t just about surprise guests popping in; there are many benefits to an organized household. These benefits include less stress, more motivation, and productivity.

• A cluttered and messy home can be a source of stress. A clean and organized home, on the other hand, can provide a sense of calm and order. This can help to reduce stress levels and improve your overall mood.

• When your home is clean and organized, you're more likely to feel motivated to get things done. A cluttered space can be distracting and make it difficult to focus. A clean and organized space, on the other hand, can help you to stay on task and be more productive.

Are you looking for ways to improve your mental and physical health, reduce stress, and boost your productivity? Then keeping your home clean, tidy, and organized is a great place to start. Just begin by decluttering one area at a time and make it your habit of putting things away after you use them. (Remember: trying is more important than perfection.)

Be punctual.

Show others you respect their time by arriving on time. Besides being polite, it allows you to pull yourself together and be ready for the meeting, appointment, or visit.

• When you arrive on time, you show the other person that you value their time and you are reliable. It’s also a demonstration that you are prepared and organized and you can manage your time effectively.

• You build trust with others: When you are always on time, people know they can count on you. This can be especially important in professional settings, where trust is essential.

Being punctual is a skill that takes practice, but it is worth it. Set a reminder to leave ten minutes earlier than you normally would. Arriving on time, or even a little bit early, is a simple way to make a good impression. You also set yourself up for success in both your personal and professional life.

Treat others with consideration.

Be flexible in your interactions with people. Different people might require a slightly different approach. They will appreciate the effort, and you will sharpen your people skills.

• Different people have different communication styles and needs. For example, some people prefer to be direct and to the point, while others prefer a more gentle and indirect approach. It's important to adapt your communication style to the individual you're interacting with.

• Being flexible shows you're interested in the other person. When you take time to understand how they communicate and what they need, it shows you're paying attention and that you care about what they have to say. This can build trust and rapport, which leads to more productive and enjoyable interactions.

Connect with people on a personal level and tailor your message to their needs. This can help you to build strong relationships, be more persuasive, and be successful in your career.

Love yourself.

Everyone has their struggles, but never forget to love yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a loved one. Avoid negative self-talk and don’t attempt to be someone else. You are your person, and that person is special!

• Self-love is essential for mental and physical health. When you love yourself, you are more likely to take care of your physical and mental health. You are also more likely to make healthy choices, such as eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

• Self-love is the foundation of healthy relationships. When you love yourself, you are more likely to have healthy relationships with others. You are less likely to be codependent or to attract toxic people into your life.

If happiness and success are what you seek, it is important to love yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Skip the negative self-talk and focus on your strengths and your accomplishments.

Rough times come – but they pass.

Nothing lasts forever. Neither good times nor bad times. So, acknowledge that you will face rough times, but they will not last. Take time to lick your wounds, but eventually, you will need to pick yourself up and move forward. 

• Everyone experiences rough times at some point. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated when you are going through a rough time. Don't try to ignore your emotions; that just makes them worse. Instead, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, and then let it go.

If you are going through a rough time, remember you are not alone. Don't let it consume you. Just continue taking things one day at a time. Eventually, the tough times will pass, and you will be stronger.

Practice good manners. 

Using good manners doesn’t cost anything and brings harmony to your relationships. Remember to say “Please” and “Thank You” and, in general, be considerate of those around you.

1| Good manners make you more likable.

People are more likely to be drawn to and to like you if you practice good manners. This can be helpful in both your personal and professional life.

2| Good manners are a show of respect:

When you use good manners, you show respect for the other person. This can help to build positive relationships and to create a more harmonious environment.

3| Be considerate of others' feelings and needs.

This means things like holding the door open for someone. Allowing someone to go ahead of you in line. And not talking over someone when they are speaking.

4| Be mindful of your surroundings.

This means things like not talking loudly in public, not littering, and not blocking walkways.

5| Apologize when you make a mistake:

Everyone makes mistakes, but it is important to apologize when you do. This shows that you are aware of your mistake and that you are willing to make amends.

Stand by your convictions.

While you should strive to be pleasant and courteous, it is also important that you stand up for your convictions. Be assertive, not aggressive.

• If someone tries to push you around or make you feel bad about yourself, it is important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. You can do this by calmly and respectfully explaining that you do not appreciate their behavior. You can also walk away from the situation if necessary.

Offer others the respect that you also deserve. It is important to remember that you are worthy of respect, regardless of what anyone else says. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like you are less worthy than they are.

Don’t fear failure. 

Lessons are found in your perceived failures. If you succeed at everything, you risk learning nothing. So go out and fail at something, learn the lesson, and become a better person. You will be more apt to reach your goals, too. 

• When you fail, you can learn from your mistakes. You can identify what went wrong and what you can do differently next time. This can help you to improve your skills and to become more successful.

• Failure can also make you more resilient. When you fail, you learn that you can overcome challenges. This can give you the confidence to try new things and to take risks.

• If you never fail, you will never learn and grow. You will never reach your full potential. So don't be afraid to fail. View it as a window for opportunity.

Failure is not something to be afraid of. It is a natural part of life, and it can be a valuable growth tool.

Cherish your family and friends.

Make family and friends a priority. A strong social circle gives you a firm foundation for success. In bad times and good, these are the people you will turn to. Make sure to foster powerful relationships, by ‘giving’ as much as you ‘take’.

• Family and friends can help you to achieve your goals. They can offer you advice, guidance, and motivation. They can also help you to stay accountable and to avoid giving up on your dreams.

• Family and friends make life more enjoyable. They are the people who you can share your joys and sorrows with. They are the people who you can laugh with and cry with. They make life more meaningful and more fun.

• Call a close relative. Have dinner with them and show them that you cherish that relationship.

If you want to be happy, healthy, and successful, make family and friends a priority. Make time for them and listen to them. Be generous to them and forgive them. And be there for them, and they will be there for you when you need them the most.

My final thoughts are.

The above bits of wisdom are simple maxims as true today as they ever were. They are meant to help us behave well and to get along with others. I have only one thing to add and that is be kind.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

For more information, check out these posts.

9 Pieces Of Life Advice From Your Grandma That You Should Actually Listen To.

Little Kindnesses Create Big Impacts.

Flourishing In The Face Of Life's Challenges

Each one of us takes a unique journey in life, and along the way, we encounter common challenges that shape us as individuals. No one's life experience is the same as someone else’s. That isn't to say there isn't any commonality at all, though. These challenges can serve as opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and resilience. It's quite possible that how we respond to these challenges will shape our entire life.

These common challenges are universal experiences that many people face. From dealing with loss and rejection to navigating career changes and understanding ourselves. Additionally, overcoming past traumas, the ending of relationships, and health issues that serve to make us feel like failures.

These challenges are part of everyday living and while they may be difficult to navigate, they can’t always be avoided or ignored.

How will YOU respond to these nine common challenges most of us face?

Coping with loss.

A loved one passing away is something no one can escape. At some point - and often multiple points - in your life, you will lose someone you love.

Grief is a complex and individual journey, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to coping with the pain of losing someone dear. It is important to allow yourself to grieve in your way and at your own pace, recognizing that there is no right or wrong way to mourn. Some may find solace in talking openly about their feelings and seeking support from friends, family, or support groups. Others may prefer to process their emotions privately.

It is crucial to be patient and kind to yourself during this time. Understanding that healing takes time and that there is no set timeline for letting go. While it may be tempting to try and push away the pain, it is important to acknowledge and honor the emotions that arise from the loss of a loved one. Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Including sadness, anger, guilt, and even moments of joy or laughter when reminiscing about the person you lost.

Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential during this time. Engaging in activities such as exercise, meditation, or therapy can help you navigate the difficult emotions that arise. Additionally, finding healthy ways to commemorate your loved one, such as creating a memory box or writing letters. Participating in rituals or ceremonies can provide a sense of closure and help keep their memory alive.

The opinions of others.

While it would certainly be nice to escape the opinion of others, good luck getting through life without dealing with it.

Whether it is friends, family, or random strangers, people will have an opinion on how you are living your life. The key is to know your core values and stick to them no matter what other people think.

Dealing with someone's negative opinion of you can be challenging, but some strategies can help navigate such situations. It's important to remember that you cannot control how others perceive or judge you. It's essential to focus on your self-esteem and not allow someone else's opinion to define you.

One effective approach is to practice self-reflection and self-awareness. Evaluate the validity of the opinion by considering whether it is based on accurate information or simply a subjective judgment. If there are aspects of yourself that you feel need improvement, you can use this feedback as an opportunity for growth.

It's also important to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and loved ones who appreciate you for who you are. Their positive reinforcement can counterbalance the negative opinion and remind you of your value. And remember that the only opinion that truly matters is yours.

Rejection.

It would be shocking if you coasted through life without the bitter sting of rejection.

Being rejected can be a painful and challenging experience, but it also offers valuable opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Rejection teaches you resilience. It’s through facing rejection and overcoming the associated emotions that you develop strength and learn to bounce back. It reminds you that setbacks are a natural part of life, and you can persevere and learn from them which leads to personal and professional growth. 

Rejection can provide valuable lessons in self-reflection and self-improvement. It encourages you to assess your strengths and weaknesses, identify areas for growth, and make necessary adjustments. It provides an opportunity to reassess your goals, aspirations, and the paths you have chosen. Rejection can push you out of your comfort zones, urging you to explore new avenues, acquire new skills, or seek alternative opportunities. Ultimately, it is through the process of reflection and self-improvement that you can transform rejection into a catalyst for growth.

Career change.

Some people are fortunate enough to finish school and go into a job that carries them to retirement. While that sounds nice, most of us will have to go through some career changes in life.

Here is a list of 10 things that can help you navigate this transition:

• Assess your skills, interests, values, and passions. Reflect on what truly motivates and fulfills you in a career.

• Explore different industries and roles that align with your interests. Learn about the job market, required skills, and potential growth opportunities.

• Connect with professionals in your desired field. Attend industry events, join relevant online communities, and seek informational interviews to expand your network and gain insights.

• Identify skills from your current experiences that can be applied to your new career. Highlight these skills on your resume and during interviews to demonstrate your value.

• Consider acquiring new qualifications or certifications to augment your knowledge and credibility in your desired field. Take advantage of online courses, workshops, or vocational training programs.

• Gain practical experience and exposure to your desired industry through volunteering or internships. This can help you build applicable skills and expand your network.

• Tailor your resume to highlight relevant experiences and skills for your new career. Update your LinkedIn profile and other online platforms to attract potential employers.

• Consult with career counselors, coaches, or mentors who can provide valuable advice and support throughout your career change journey.

• Consider the financial implications of a career change. Review your budget, savings, and potential income changes to ensure a smooth transition.

• Career changes take time and effort. Be prepared for setbacks and rejections along the way. Embrace the journey and be open to new possibilities.

Figure out who you are.

It can take a long time to figure out who you are. Often you spend your entire youth trying to pinpoint it. 

Understanding oneself is a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. There are no simple questions. Yet, humans have been struggling to find simple answers for ages.

Here is a list of things that can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself:

1. Set aside time for introspection. Reflect on your values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, passions, and goals. Journaling can be a helpful tool for self-reflection.

2. Ask trusted friends, family members, or mentors for their insights on your strengths and areas for improvement. Their perspectives can provide valuable insights into how others perceive you.

3. Take personality assessments such as Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Enneagram, or Big Five Personality Traits. These assessments can offer insights into your personality traits, preferences, and behaviors.

4. Engage in activities that genuinely interest and excite you. Explore new hobbies, take classes, or join clubs or communities that align with your interests. This can help uncover new aspects of yourself.

5. Develop emotional intelligence by paying attention to your emotions and understanding how they influence your thoughts and behaviors. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion to deepen your emotional awareness.

6. Set short-term and long-term goals that align with your values and aspirations. This process can provide clarity on what truly matters to you and help you align your actions with your desired outcomes.

7. Step out of your comfort zone and embrace new experiences. Travel to new places, try new things or engage in activities that challenge you.

8. Read books, articles, or listen to podcasts that explore topics related to self-development, psychology, and personal growth.

Overcoming your past.

Your past may not include any serious trauma or skeletons in the closet. But everyone has some regrets and bad decisions.

Reflecting on the past is good, but you can't continue to live there. Being able to move beyond the past is an important part of all your experiences. Begin by acknowledging that your past is a part of your life but does not define your present or future. Accept that you cannot change what has happened, but you have the power to shape your present and future choices. Practice self-compassion and forgive yourself for any mistakes or regrets. Understand that growth and personal development come from learning and going forward, not dwelling on past actions or events.

Direct your energy and attention toward the present moment and the possibilities that lie ahead. Set goals and create a vision for the future that aligns with your values and aspirations. Take steps to make positive changes in your life, whether it's seeking new opportunities, building healthy relationships, or acquiring new skills. Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting people who believe in your ability to change and grow. Cultivate gratitude for the positive aspects of your life.

The end of a relationship.

You’ve heard the stories of high school sweethearts living their lives happily ever after. Many people, though, will likely go through a few relationships before finding “the one.”

The end of a relationship can be a massive upheaval. But eventually, you need to get up, brush yourself off and put yourself out there again.

Here are some steps to help you let go, heal, and move forward:

1. Permit yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, or confusion that may arise. Express your emotions through journaling, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.

2. Focus on taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Prioritize self-care routines, get enough sleep, and maintain a balanced diet.

3. Reflect on the relationship and the lessons you've learned. Identify any patterns or behaviors that may have contributed to the end of the relationship. Use this self-reflection as an opportunity for personal growth and development.

4. Lean on your support system of friends and family. Share your feelings and thoughts with those who care about you. Connect with others and try to engage in social activities or hobbies that bring you joy.

5. Establish boundaries with your ex-partner to create space for healing. Limit situations that may trigger negative emotions or reopen wounds. Unfollow them on social media to minimize reminders of the past. Give yourself time to heal before considering any form of contact or friendship.

6. Reconnect with your identity. Focus on personal goals and aspirations. Embrace this opportunity for personal growth and to shape your life according to your desires and values.

7. When you feel ready, be open to the possibility of new relationships. Move at your own pace and prioritize your emotional well-being. Be patient and allow yourself to naturally connect with someone who aligns with your values and supports your growth.

Health concerns.

Life comes at you very fast if you suffer a severe health issue. Even a less serious health issue could change the way you live your daily life.

Regardless of the severity, most people will have to deal with medical issues, their own or others. Helping yourself and others with health issues involves a combination of personal care, support, and empathy. Learn and understand the specific health issues you or others are facing. Research reputable sources, consult healthcare professionals, and ask questions to gather information. This knowledge will empower you to make informed decisions, offer support, and provide accurate information to others.

Prioritize your health and well-being. Ensure you are taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Maintaining a balanced lifestyle includes regular exercise, proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, and stress management techniques. By taking care of yourself, you'll have the energy and resilience to provide support and care to others. Encourage others to adopt healthy habits as well.

Show compassion and understanding to those dealing with health issues. Listen and provide a safe space for them to express their feelings and concerns. Validate their experiences and offer reassurance. Simply being present and listening can provide immense comfort. Help with practical tasks such as accompanying someone to medical appointments, organizing medications, or assisting with household chores. Offer to connect them with counseling, or support groups that can provide additional assistance.

Failure.

Good luck trying to get through life without failing at something. The reality is everyone fails at some point, which is a good thing. Failure can be the best lesson you will ever learn.

Take the time to reflect on your failures and identify the lessons they hold. You learn a lot about yourself in the face of failure. Understand the factors that contributed to the setbacks and analyze what could have been done differently. Use these insights to refine your approach and develop strategies for future endeavors. How you choose to react to failure will shape your entire life. Embrace failures as valuable learning opportunities that can lead to growth and improvement.

Reach out to trusted individuals who can provide constructive feedback and guidance. A mentor or coach can offer valuable insights, share their own experiences of overcoming failures, and provide support and encouragement. Additionally, consider expanding your network and connecting with like-minded individuals who have experienced similar setbacks. Sharing experiences and learning from others who have overcome failure can provide motivation and inspiration on your journey.

My final thoughts are.

In most of our lives, we will face half of, if not all of the above challenges. As the stoics tell us, it is how we respond to the challenges we face that shapes us.  

For more information, read these posts.

Tolerate The Large Challenges In Life

The 7 Logs: Common Challenges We All Face In Life

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

How To Become A Likable Person

Gram’s Wisdom 53

Do you know someone whom everyone likes? I did, for many years. It was my Gram. Everybody liked her. Young people, old people, and even small children. They all went away with the feeling that they had just met their new best friend. Some people have this ability to skate through life, beloved by everyone. They find it easy to make friends and rarely ruffle anyone's feathers.

All my life I stood in awe of Gram’s ability to draw people to her magnetically. I am a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, so I always believed it was her exceptionally extroverted personality that made her so likable. She, on the other hand, had always believed that these 4 things were the biggest contributing factors to being liked.  

1. Be kind to others, even when they are not kind to you.

2. Find something to be grateful for every day.

3. Focus on the positive aspects of life.

4. Be a good listener.

Since she has been gone, I have had time to give serious thought to the skills and behaviors she and other especially likable people have in common and expanded her list. I knew she wouldn’t mind. 

If you are interested in learning more about the habits of likable people, continue reading.

They are honest and genuine.

Honesty is a key ingredient in likability. You can't be likable if you are constantly lying, it will catch up to you eventually. People are drawn to those who are truthful and trustworthy. When you are honest, you build trust with others, which makes them more likely to like you. 

There are many benefits to being honest. For one, it can help you build stronger relationships with others. When you are honest with your friends, family, and colleagues, they can trust you and rely on you. This can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Likable people are also genuinely themselves. They don't act like anyone else; they are happy with who they are. When you are authentic, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are. You also make it easier for people to connect with you on a deeper level.

Being authentic can be difficult, especially in a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages about what we should look like, act like, and think like. However, it is important to remember that there is no one right way to be. The most important thing is to be true to yourself.

If you want to be a likable person, it is important to be authentic. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to show your true colors. People will appreciate that about you.

They give freely.

You don't have to give away everything you own to be likable, but being willing to give without receiving anything in return is a key trait of a likable person. People are drawn to those who are kind and giving. When you are willing to give of yourself, you make others feel valued and appreciated. This can lead to deeper relationships and a more positive social environment.

Giving is a sign of kindness, compassion, and generosity. These are all qualities that people admire and respect. You can give your time, your money, or your skills. When you give emotional support or simply a listening ear, this can make a real difference in the lives of those around you. No matter how you choose to give, it is important to do so with a genuine heart.

They are happy to see others succeed.

When someone you care about achieves something great, it is natural to feel happy for them. Likable people take this happiness to the next level by celebrating their friends and family's accomplishments. They are genuinely happy to see others being rewarded, and they do not feel threatened or jealous. They allow them to bask in their glory.

There are many benefits to being around people who are happy to see you succeed. For one, it can boost your self-confidence. When you know that your friends and family are rooting for you, it can make you feel more capable and motivated.

Additionally, being around people who celebrate your accomplishments can help you build stronger relationships. When you feel supported and appreciated, you are more likely to feel close to the people in your life.

Finally, being around people who are happy to see you succeed can make you happier overall. When you are surrounded by positive people, it is easier to focus on the good things in life.

They ask thoughtful questions and listen attentively.

It is often said that we should listen two times as much as we speak. Likable people take this a step further. Listening is a skill often overlooked but is one of the most important skills you can have. When you are a good listener, you show you care what the other person has to say. This can make them feel valued and respected.

Additionally, being a good listener can help you learn more about the people and world around you. When you listen attentively, you can pick up on things that you might not otherwise notice. This can give you a better understanding of their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

In addition to being good listeners, likable people also ask thoughtful questions. This shows that they are interested in what the other person has to say and that they are paying attention. It also helps you to keep the conversation going and to learn more about the other person.

• Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no answer.

• Ask questions that are relevant to the conversation.

When asking questions, it is important to be sincere and to ask questions that you are genuinely interested in the answer to. Avoid asking questions that are too personal or that could make the other person feel uncomfortable. It is also important to be respectful of the other person's time and not ask too many questions.

They are positive.

It’s much more enjoyable to spend time with positive people. They might not always be over-the-top happy, but likable people tend to think and behave positively. They are cheerful and will always look for the silver lining in any situation. When you are positive, you make others feel good, and you create a more enjoyable atmosphere for all.

There are benefits to being a positive person. First, it can help you attract positive people into your life. Remember like attracts like. This can lead to more robust relationships and a more positive social environment.

Second, being positive can help you improve your health. Studies have shown that positive people tend to have lower stress levels, better immune systems, and longer lifespans.

Third, being positive can help you achieve your goals. When you are positive, you are more likely to believe in yourself and your ability to succeed. This can lead to greater motivation and accomplishment.

Last, likable people are grateful. They appreciate the advantages that come with positivity.

They are less judgmental than most.

Likable people tend to be less judgmental than the rest of us. If they do judge someone, they will do it silently. They believe that "live and let live" is the best attitude to adopt if your actions cause no harm to anyone. They are less likely to create drama or begin arguments. They are more likely to be supportive and encouraging. As a result, people are more likely to want to be around them.

Likable people also tend to be more understanding and forgiving. They are less likely to hold grudges or to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation. They are more likely to see the good in people giving them the benefit of the doubt by focusing on their strengths rather than their weaknesses.

Likable people are more accepting of differences. They understand that everyone is different and that there is no one right way to live. They are more empathetic. They can put themselves in other people's shoes and understand why they might make the choices that they make. Because they are more confident, they don’t feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

They act responsibly.

No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes at some time or another. Likable people are not afraid to admit when they are wrong. They know that everyone makes mistakes, and they are willing to own up to theirs. They also know that the best way to make up for a mistake is to learn from it and try not to make it again.

Likable people don’t try to wriggle off the hook by blaming others or making excuses. They own up to what they’ve done and simply say “I made a mistake.” They then express their regret for the mistake and let the other person know they are sincerely sorry.

Likable people will do their level best to make amends. This can take the form of an apology to someone you’ve hurt or repairing, replacing something you’ve broken. The object is accountability and learning. They try to understand what went wrong and how they can avoid a repeat of the same mistake in the future.

They are patient.

Likable people are often more patient than others. They don't mind waiting for you to figure out what you want to do. They don't become irritated or annoyed very quickly. They understand that everyone has different needs, and their pace of achievement is also different. They will let you move at your speed, just happy to be in your company.

Likable people are relaxed in manner. They don’t feel the need to rush through things. They find contentment and happiness in taking their time and mindfully enjoying each moment.

Likable people are kind, patient, and supportive because they care about others. They want to make the world a better place, and they know that one way to do that is to be kind to others. They are also patient because they understand that everyone makes mistakes. They are supportive because they want to help others make progress.

My final thoughts are.

Likability can be a skill like any other. Sure, some people come by it naturally, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t practice and adopt the habits of likability. The real secret sauce is for you to genuinely like and care about other people.

For more information, read these posts.

Gift Yourself A Kindness Mindset

13 Habits Of Exceptionally Likeable People

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

How Strong Is Your Resolve?

So, already making excuses for falling off the New Year resolution wagon? You needn’t be embarrassed, so are 80-90 percent of others who made resolutions. Instead, take heart it’s not completely your fault. You see, it’s not all about willpower, creating positive habits is equally important.

Do you ever wish you could develop your willpower? Well, you can. Willpower works a lot like a muscle. Exercise it regularly, and it becomes stronger. The key is to make using your willpower a daily habit, and that’s easier than you may think.

Willpower plus positive habits.

Having plenty of willpower is a good thing. While some people seem to have more of it than others, many people struggle from time to time with not having enough. Sure, you can get better at reaching your goals with practice and discipline. But, if that's all it took, everyone would be skinny, fit, and in good financial shape. That’s just not how the world works though, and at times, we all struggle with finding the willpower to reach our long-term goals. 

Luckily, there’s another strategy and skill set that’s just as important as willpower. It’s creating positive habits and routines as a support system for your willpower. Here’s how this works and what it has to do with willpower. Let’s say you want to make a positive change in your life. It doesn’t matter what that is. It could be to read more books specific to your career, so you can learn more and become better at what you do. Or it could be to journal to understand your behavior better.

Begin with a goal in mind.

The simplest way to make sure you are exercising your willpower daily is to work towards a goal. When you have a reason and a purpose, you don’t have to remember what to do to work out those exercise muscles. You just do something that positions you closer to your goal each day.

Consider what that should be. It helps to focus on a single goal at a time instead of trying to change too many things in your life. Pick one area, one thing you want to change or improve and set your goal. Make it a measurable goal with a deadline connected to it. Instead of saying that you want to lose weight, make your goal to lose 25lbs. By Easter, for example.

Alter your goal into a plan using a daily action item.

Once your goal is set, it’s time to come up with a plan for what you need to do to reach said goal. It’s just a matter of considering what you need to do daily to go from where you are today to where you want to be and thus achieve your goal. Let’s look at an example. Let’s say your goal is to get fit enough to run a 5K race in six months. To make that happen, you must work out daily, starting with brisk walks, then a mixture of walking and jogging, graduating to daily runs that get longer and longer until running 5K will be an easy task. 

The plan then is to begin week one with daily 30-minute walks, for example. Those are your daily action items. It gives you something specific to do to exercise your willpower and something measurable you can track.

Use strategies in addition to willpower to establish new habits.

Lastly, it’s time to turn this willpower exercise into a habit. The easiest way to do this is to establish new positive routines. Willpower and habits work together. You must pay attention to both and use them in tandem. Use your willpower to create new habits one at a time. Once that new behavior has become a real habit, you can focus on the next one. Going back to the earlier examples of reading and journaling, start with one of them.

At first, it takes a lot of willpower to make yourself read a few pages or go through 15 minutes of journaling. A better strategy would be to wake up, prepare your coffee, get comfortable in your favorite chair, or sit on the couch and do your reading there. Make sure your book is waiting for you there, and you have reading glasses and light to read by if needed. Add a fun pillow or throw to create a cozy reading spot that you look forward to using. Then begin to establish the habit by using your willpower to make it happen every morning, come rain or shine.

Stick to your new habit.

Follow this new habit until it becomes something you no longer even think about completing. Establishing this new routine can take anywhere from one to three months. Stick with it until it’s just what you do in the morning. Then begin adding the journaling to the mix using the same strategy of having a notebook and pens at the ready in a comfortable place to write until it has become a real habit.

If you use your willpower wisely and add strategies, it will become easier to make this happen every morning. Before you know it, your new task has become a habit and part of your overall routine. At that point, it doesn’t take willpower anymore. Just like you don’t need to remind yourself to brush your teeth.

My final thoughts.

It would be nice to have an extra boost of willpower when you need it most. So, make your plans to reach your goals, add strategies that can increase your success, and avoid the urge to quit.

Another trick to help you stick to your habit is to make it visual by adding it as a recurring event on your calendar.

For more information, read these posts.

New Year Resolution Statistics

Why We Fail To Achieve Our New Year Resolutions

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10 Benefits Of Self Care On Your Mood

Gram’s Wisdom 35

When people think of their mood, they often think of just being in a good mood or a bad mood. But the truth is, there is a large gap between these two extremes. Things like mental stress, physical stress, and so many other factors go into how you feel.

Gram told me your mood is only good or bad depending on how you handle it. She said your emotions, from anxious, irritated, and fearful, at one end of the spectrum, to relaxed, and calm at the other end, affects your moods willy-nilly if you allow them.

Do you feel like you don’t have a balanced mood, or you are constantly moving from one extreme to the other? It might be time to look at your habits, including your morning and evening routines, and how you spend your time. Your behavior has a large impact on your emotions and, ultimately, your moods and how you feel.

Gram was a big proponent of daily routines that you can count on to keep you steady. As Gram once told me, we get plenty of outside influences and people to upset our day.

What causes these shifts in your mood?

One of the most surprising things about mood fluctuations is how many things in your day-to-day life, many of which you don’t have control of, can change your mood. The more you understand about mood changes, the more you can decide what lifestyle changes will help the best with your mood-boosting habits.

Some examples of shifts in your mood include:

Stress — Probably one of the most common causes is stress. This can be severe stress where you expect your mood to change, but even very mild forms of emotional stress that you didn’t realize have such a big impact on how you feel and behave overall.

Mental health — Many mental health disorders can lead to changes in your mood, including anxiety and depression. If you struggle with your mental health, you might already be aware of how drastically your mood can shift.

Sleep habits — Yes, how much and how well you sleep is going to affect your mood! We aren’t just talking about having a bad night’s sleep and not feeling your best the next morning. This also includes poor sleep hygiene habits that affect your mood the next day.

Diet — What you will see throughout this content is that what you eat can greatly impact how you feel. What you choose to eat much of the time makes a huge difference in your mood as does the amount of water you drink. So, don’t’ forget to hydrate liberally.

Medical causes — Not only can hormone fluctuations affect your mood, but other medical causes like thyroid disorders, stroke, vitamin deficiency, and ADHD might all be the cause of your mood changes.

10 Self-care strategies to boost your mood

1. Morning routine

Let’s talk a bit about morning routines. This is one of those trending topics that people think is just popular right now and will be gone before we know it, but that isn’t true at all.

You already have a morning routine, whether you knowingly realize it or not. You probably have certain tasks you need to get done shortly after waking up, such as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, walking your dogs, making your kids breakfast, or stumbling out of bed and rushing out the door to get to work.

You needn’t reinvent the wheel with your morning routine, but rather, just add a few actions in your morning that will improve your day and your mood.

One of the best activities you can add to your morning routine is to write in a journal. There are many ways this can help you, but one of my personal favorites is with a brain dump (also called stream of consciousness).

What is a brain dump?

This simply means you write whatever is on your mind and keep writing until you feel like you have gotten through all those nagging thoughts. Your mood fluctuations might be from stress or just feelings of overwhelm. Your thoughts can do that without you even realizing it.

By doing this sort of brain dump in the morning, you get those thoughts out on paper to help release some tension, but also to gain a little more clarity.

2. Improve your sleep habits

The next most important thing you can do each day when you want to boost your mood naturally, is to get better sleep. And I’m not just talking about how many hours you sleep, though that is important.

You want to focus on appropriate sleep habits, which is simply the nighttime routine you have before you go to sleep.

Here are some things you can add to your sleep routine that will help you get more restful sleep, and balance your mood at the same time:

Begin getting ready for bed 1-2 hours before you intend to fall asleep.

Try to have a normal (for you) bedtime hour.

Don’t use any electronics or keep the TV on when you are preparing for sleep.

Try to avoid stimulants like caffeine or alcohol shortly before going to sleep.

Set up your bedroom to provide a restful night’s sleep, including a cool and quiet environment.

Get blackout curtains to keep it as dark as possible in your bedroom.

Partake of quiet and calm activities before bed, such as reading or writing in your journal.

With these few changes, you should notice that you tend to fall asleep a little easier, and you don’t wake up nearly as often fatigued and irritable.

3. Become more aware of what you eat

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but what you eat does make a difference to how you feel, both mentally and physically. Some foods, like high amounts of sugar and refined carbohydrates, give you energy and make you feel better in the short-term, but cause an energy crash, after which you might notice your mood worsening.

When it comes to eating well, you want to focus on balance and proper nutrients in moderation. Not being on a restrictive diet, but just trying to get in more complex carbs, whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and lean protein.

4. Move your body regularly

In addition to eating correctly, try to get some regular exercise. Again, it isn’t about completing a difficult fitness challenge or pushing yourself to do some extreme form of activity you don’t enjoy.

Rather, find some workouts that get you moving, that motivate and excite you to try, and that you enjoy. These can help you become mentally healthier and improve your mood exponentially, with the added benefit of being good for your physical health as well.

Some exercises you might want to include:

Walking or hiking

Dancing

Taking a local fitness class

Yoga or Pilates

Weightlifting

Family workouts with your children

5. Practice gratitude

It’s said, when you appreciate the blessings in your life, it’s hard to focus on what you don’t have. By doing this, your mood will change practically overnight.  

No matter how difficult things might feel in the present moment, there are always things you can be grateful for. It might be the people in your life who are always loving and supportive, a job you enjoy, a roof over your head, your pets or family, or simply your cup of coffee every morning when you have 5 minutes of quiet.

To improve your mood each day, begin writing 5-10 things you are grateful for in your journal. Turn this into a daily routine that you do every morning or evening, and you will notice the changes happening quickly.

6. Self-Care should be a priority

Self-care is much more than people realize, and often unappreciated. To put it simply, your self-care routine should be something you do for yourself and only you. At least once a day, you should choose some type of activity that you enjoy, relaxes you, and makes you happy.

While it can be absolutely anything, here are a few ideas if you’re not sure where to begin:

Get a manicure and pedicure

Do a face mask

Watch your favorite show

Read a book

Work on an art project

Take an afternoon nap

Soak in a bubble bath

Meet a friend for coffee

It can be something you do alone or with friends. There are no rules for self-care if it makes you feel better and is something you truly enjoy.

7. Declutter and organize your surroundings

Does seeing a pile of shoes left at the door or a dining room table you can’t eat at, exhaust you? Working on your space and getting it organized helps with mood stabilization! Have you ever woken up in a clean and orderly room, and just felt better? Just having a decluttered and clean home can make all the difference to how you feel. You’ll be happier, healthier, and more productive.

Spend just a few minutes a day (set a timer if need be) picking up your home and tidying it as much as you can, even if you have a busy schedule.

8. Disconnect once a day

Give yourself at least one time in the day when you are completely disconnected. This means no computer or laptop, no tablet, and no cell phone. It is up to you if you choose to include the television in unplugging, but no phones!

You need some time to relax without social media, phone updates, and text messages. This allows you to bask in the quiet and just enjoy your home and family, without all that extraneous noise.

9. Set boundaries for yourself

This might be one of the more surprising ways you can boost your mood naturally. Sometimes, you have so many expectations and so many people needing things from you, that you don’t realize your responsibilities are what is negatively affecting your mood.

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to turn down an invitation. It isn’t okay to always be the one-person people can count on for whatever they need, whenever they need it. Set some healthy boundaries and let people know when and if you are available to them. If they love you, they will understand your need for boundaries, just as you respect their boundaries.

10. Get more sunshine and fresh air

Lastly, try to spend more time outside if you can. Fresh air and vitamin D will both greatly benefit your mood and energy levels.

Too many people don’t get enough vitamin D in their diet and aren’t outside enough during the day to soak it up naturally from the sun’s UV rays. The simplest thing is to figure out how you can spend a little more time outside.

My final thought

I love this list of ways to help boost your mood. Number 10 is my particular favorite. Let me know in the comments which of these appeals most to you.

For more information, read these posts.

Practice Self Care To Improve Your Mood

Acting The Way You Want To Feel

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You Are Worthy

Why do so many people find it hard to believe in their worthiness? After all, we go around spouting things like “you can do it”, only when they fail, they fall apart because they have no feeling or belief in their self-worth. Now, they are unsure of how many others are unworthy, but they are certain that they are unworthy. How do we recognize self-worth, and is it truly important?

Let’s explore this belief called self-worth.

The importance of self-worth

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to believe in your essential worth. If you don’t have an awareness of your worth, it can be difficult for you to connect with others at a level that is beneficial to them. Without this essential feeling of self-worth, you may allow yourself to settle for less than what you deserve in life.  

Your view of yourself can be hard to see

How you view yourself can be tricky to fix in your mind’s eye. So often you assume others have a clearer window to see who you are. Many people live their lives based on that false belief. Rather than, loving and respecting the person you are, you allow your self-worth to be dictated by who someone else believes you to be.

Reaching a high level of self-worth

Attaining a high level of self-worth may not be easy. But it brings with it satisfaction. Perhaps, you didn’t have the perfect parents to cheer you on. Not to worry. Self-worth can be learned from teachers, mentors, or friends. To help the learning process, don’t forget to dump the negative thinking, and negative talk, replace them with positive equivalents. 

The importance of self-worth in relationships

Self-worth is particularly important in relationships. A lack of value in yourself, will nearly always have you settling for less than you deserve in a partner because you can’t imagine meeting your “dream” partner and falling in love with them - or more accurately, you can’t believe they’d ever fall in love with you. This can lead you down a path that is not only unhealthy for you mentally, and emotionally, but physically as well.

Self-worth leads to better self-care

When you feel unworthy, you don’t see the importance of self-care. The trouble with this is the tailspin it can put you in. You think you don’t deserve to take the time for yourself. You begin to feel unwell. You talk negatively about yourself. Now you feel depressed. 

Instead, strive for a healthy level of self-worth. It will keep you cared for, loved, satisfied, and safe from unavoidable bumps in the road, that might otherwise bring you down. If your self-worth is intact and healthy, you become resilient.

“Our sense of self-worth is the single most determinant of the health, abundance, and joy we allow into our lives.”

— Dan Millman

Innate self-worth, is that even real?

Throughout our lives, we’re subject to good times and bad times, and each of these external events helps to develop our self-esteem. Self-worth, on the other hand, is something that happens internally, without the need for any external confirmation.

You are valuable

Your self-worth is inherent — it is the power of your belief that you have value because you are a human being. That you merit what you desire, and that you are inherently “good enough” to have it.

Another way to think of it is like this: failing at something will not affect your self-worth because you know that failure and success are simply two sides of the same coin — both of which you need in your experience to become a well-rounded person. Therefore, the worth you feel never changes — because you always know that you ARE worthy, no matter what.

You are worthy

You are born a worthy individual — it is simply a part of what makes you, you. You may increase that sense of worthiness at any time by taking actions to reinforce your self-worth beliefs. There are lots of things you can do to grow and maintain your self-worth, like taking care of yourself, getting exercise, being kind to yourself, and saying no when it feels right.

Innate self-worth means that you accept and honor yourself and the uniqueness that makes you different from everyone else. You know that no matter what, you are worthy of loving and being loved...simply because you ARE you.

The difference between self-worth and self-esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem...are they two different concepts? Many people use the two terms interchangeably, but others believe that these are two distinct and unique concepts entirely.

Let’s consider self-worth

How “worthy” or valuable do you believe you are? Do you feel you deserve the things you desire? The answer to these questions determines your self-worth.  It might surprise you to know that many gifted individuals have very low levels of self-worth and will subconsciously sabotage any potential success at the first opportunity.

Your self-worth is largely built up during your early childhood years. You’re essentially told what your worth is by your parents, how they act and react to you, and the quality of attention you get from them. If they have done well, you will treat yourself as if you’re valuable.

Setting realistic yet ambitious goals that stretch your limits shows you what you’re capable of achieving. Reaching those goals proves to you that you’re worth the result, thereby growing and maintaining a healthy sense of self-worth. And your success can be seen as anything that you’ve achieved that holds value for you, whether it’s a higher paying job, learning a new skill, or having healthy relationships.

Let’s talk about self-esteem

Your self-esteem can be determined by things outside yourself — like rejection. It instantly changes the way you think, and feel, about yourself. One of the best ways to reinforce your self-esteem is to surround yourself with supportive people who like and enjoy you and appreciate your unique talents and skills. Everyone deserves this treatment from those who are part of their inner circle.

When you take a hit to your self-esteem, the good news is — you can recover quickly by doing things you’re good at. By understanding that there are distinct things you are great at doing, that hit on your self-esteem will hurt less, and soon you’ll feel great again!

Building Your Self Worth

You are born with an innate sense of self-worth that you can build on and develop as you grow. There are five key components to building up your self-worth, and we’ll explore all five to find out a bit about each.

1 | Know and understand yourself — Knowing who you are inside has nothing to do with what you have or what you’ve done. It IS about knowing what makes you uniquely and unquestionably you. What do you love, what don’t you? What do you appreciate? What sorts of things and experiences do you value? A great question to ask that will help you understand what you value about yourself is: If everything I own, and everything I love, was taken from me tomorrow, and all I had was myself...what would I be able to offer the world?

2 | Accept yourself at this moment — Accepting yourself means valuing who you are in the present moment, irrespective of what you may have done in the past that you’d rather not think about. The good news is that you don’t have to think about it! Being able to accept yourself means no judgments, no looking back, and no looking forward. Just here and now, and who you are at this moment, including the good and the bad, the perfect and the flawed parts of yourself.

3 | Unreservedly love yourself — A very large part of increasing your self-worth is learning to love and care for yourself. Make sure you’re taken care of and that your needs are met. Practice positive and compassionate thinking about yourself, and yourself. This is where you let go of that negative self-talk, self-loathing, and negative thinking patterns. Everybody has flaws and faults. It helps make us who we are as individuals. But it doesn’t invalidate our value.

4 | Acknowledge yourself — This is where you begin to truly realize that everything external to you — has no bearing on who you are and what you are fundamentally worth to yourself and the world. When these external things no longer serve you, you must learn to let them go. Instead, you’ve grown a much stronger sense of self that no longer relies on these external things.

5 | You are accountable — Now, you are in command, and it is you and only you who is responsible for your actions, your life experiences, your challenges, and your unique situations. You have the necessary power to control your entire world.

My final thought

No matter who you are, or what you have been through, I believe that you are good enough, that you are strong enough, that you deserve your desires because you are born a worthy human being.

For more information, read the following post by Stephanie Jade Wong.

13 Things That Don’t Determine Your Self Worth

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Do You Feel Your Gratitude?

Gram’s Wisdom Installment 2

My Gram left me after more than a hundred years of living, with an abundance of wisdom and advice. The kind of wisdom all grandmothers want to share if they are blessed with the time and opportunity to do so. Much of this may be known to you, some things you might have forgotten. I hope these bits of homey wisdom spark either memories from your youth or better yet conversations with your own grandchildren.

What are you feeling grateful for today?

I spent many weekends with my grandparents as a child and continued to live nearby as I became an adult. When we would meet Gram would always tell me what she felt grateful for that day. She would say she woke up that morning feeling gratefulness for… or that during the course of the day something occurred for which she felt gratitude. She always displayed her appreciation and gratitude for the good people and things that were a part of her life.

What a difference a little gratitude makes

Gratitude simplified is appreciating the good things in your life. When you are focused on what is good in your life you have less time to dwell on the bad. It doesn’t always seem this simple, though. When things are hectic or stressful, finding the silver lining can be challenging. However, learning how to express gratitude can significantly boost your happiness.  

About gratitude

There are many definitions of gratitude. Some people believe it’s a feeling or emotion. Others look at it as more of a mood. Still, other people believe gratitude is a personality trait a person exhibits. These are all correct. In essence, gratitude elicits satisfaction and appreciation in a person through feelings, actions or even inherent qualities. However, even those of us who may be more inclined to feel grateful on a regular basis may need to work on evoking such an outlook. Gratitude can be viewed as a practice or something you perform regularly. Most people practice something because it benefits them. This is true of gratitude. As with other practices, you’ll get better at demonstrating gratitude the more you work at it.

Benefits of embracing gratitude

There are many benefits of gratitude; many of them have been scientifically proven. Once you begin to understand these, chances are good that you’ll see why it’s so important to develop a grateful mindset. Gratitude can have a positive effect on both physical and mental health. Research has shown it improves relaxation, sleep quality and energy levels. Being thankful for your blessings can enhance your emotional wellness. You’ll deal better in crisis situations and find you’re more resilient when you’re able to look on the bright side. This can contribute to better relationships, too. Appreciating the positives in life can simply make you feel happier.

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” -Doris Day

Ways to practice gratitude

Recognizing your blessings may not come easily at first, but there are some ways to help make it a habit and a regular part of your routine. One of the most convenient and impactful methods for cultivating appreciation is through keeping a gratitude journal. Write down three things each day that you’re grateful for, which makes it easier to notice and recognize those good things. Making an effort to thank someone each day, for even the smallest thing, opens your eyes and heart to abundance. Giving back and doing good for others can provide tremendous perspective, as well.

Embracing and expressing gratitude are more important than many of us realize. So, what do you feel grateful for today?

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Create A Better Mood For Yourself

How is it you wake up some mornings feeling light and marvelous as if the world is your oyster and others as if a heavy dark cloud sits over your head making you want to bite people’s heads off? Why did you go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling differently?

From early childhood, you understand that you have different feelings. Sometimes you will be in a good mood and other times you won’t. Flip-flop those moods frequently and you get labeled as a moody child. Do you really want to be that person? Why don’t people improve their mood? Is it because parents and teachers told us it’s just the way it is?

Changing How You Feel

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself and feel better? Absolutely. Can you do the same for others? Sometimes, yes. If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy? It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you're in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. In fact, even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up. Act how you want to feel. That smile plus a cheery hello can then lift someone else’s mood. And when they return your smile and greeting it reinforces your own good mood. Before you know it your good mood is spreading like ripples in a pond.

Choose Positive People

If you want to better your mood, start hanging out with upbeat people. There’s nothing like a sourpuss to bring down a group. These cranky people seem to go out of their way to make sure everyone is as miserable as they are. By avoiding these people, you have less chance of being in a bad mood at the start.

Next, create an environment for yourself that lifts your spirits. If a certain type of music gets you pumped, play that music more often. Some people like to burn incense as they feel it can positively alter their moods.

Practice Gratitude

You should reflect on your life and be grateful for what you have. You have a lot to be thankful for if you're in good health. If your family is in good health, you should also be grateful. Your mood will naturally increase towards the positive when you appreciate such things.

Try not to worry about the mundane issues in your life. They are going to happen whether you worry or not. Just take care of them so that they aren’t hanging over your head. Don’t let things build to the point that they become a major matter.

Do What Makes You Happy

It may seem obvious, but do more things that make you happy and less that don’t. It’s not always possible to avoid adverse situations, but you don’t have to allow them to bring your mood down. After all, you control most of the activities in your life.

Sometimes, all that is needed is to change up your routine. If you are doing the same activities day in and day out, this can make anyone feel in a bad mood. Try stepping up your game and do something fun and out of the ordinary. In fact, make it a point to do this at least once every month.