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Simple Love And Care Advice For Couples

Grams Wisdom 6

When I was 40 something I embarked on a new relationship. Only to find Gram had still more wisdom to share with me. Just a few months in she wanted to know was I happy and was I taking good care of him?

I admit to the desire to remind her that he was also a grown up and I hardly felt that at this stage of my life his care should be my responsibility. But I kept that thought to myself.

It seemed Gram wanted to remind me that in any couple’s relationship, what matters most is each other. Children grow and go, careers ebb and flow. If you can manage a loving caring relationship into old age, then fortune will have smiled on you.

 

Your partnership reflects the kind of care you give it.png

Take a vacation

Actually, Gram said “don’t stay home and paint the house.” Whether you are a couple or a family with children, everyone benefits from a change of scenery. You and your spouse or partner need to have some fun time together to rest and recharge or soon your relationship becomes tiresome and stale.

Consider tackling that large project over several weekends instead of during your vacation. Otherwise you might come home to a newly painted house after work every day, but as you roll into the driveway you won’t appreciate it. Instead all you will see are the difficulties you encountered, how tired you were at the end of each day, and the unkind things you probably said to one another.

 

Play to your strengths at home

Next, she said a peaceful happy home revolves around getting things done but not if one person is doing the lion’s share of the household chores.

I was told I should play to my strengths, choose and do the chores that I wanted to do. Have him choose the things he wanted to do. Share some tasks and negotiate any leftover chores. Then finally, pay someone to do what neither of us wanted to do.

 

The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.
— Carson McCullers

What I learned on my own

  

Beware of Taking Each Other for Granted

Whenever a couple begins to live together or get married, everything is so new and exciting that you think it will go on forever. Unfortunately, day-to-day stresses and busy schedules can soon mean the excitement wears off and you feel like you are living in a well-worn rut. It’s like you’ve become roommates, not lovers, and have begun to take each other for granted.

It doesn’t have to be that way. The important thing to know is what bad habits are passion killers and avoid them. In fact, you could introduce some everyday habits that would prevent you from taking each other for granted. Here are some suggestions:

 

Learn Each Other’s Love Languages

The marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman has written a series of books titled, The 5 Love Languages. The five are:

 

* Acts of service

* Gifts

* Physical touch

* Praise

* Quality time

 

In the books, he states that everyone has a primary and secondary love language. Knowing your partner’s love language can help them feel appreciated and not taken for granted.

You might think you are being loving if you buy gifts or do acts of service, for example, but if your partner values quality time and physical touch, you will clearly not be speaking the same language.

Ironically, in many cases, one of the partners in a relationship will often become a workaholic because their love language is acts of service, but this will mean little to a partner who wants quality time with their significant other. The promise to "work less someday" often comes too little, too late, because the spouse waiting for quality time feels so alone and so taken for granted.

The workaholic partner can feel taken for granted as well: "I’m working so hard every day, and all my spouse ever does is complain I’m not home with them holding hands. Don’t they know I’m doing all this for THEM?"

 

Follow Through on Your Love Language Research

You can each take the free quiz online to determine your primary and secondary love languages. If they don’t mesh at all, it will be important to discuss what you can each do to ensure that the other person doesn’t feel taken for granted. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

Here are a few suggestions you can work into your daily schedule as positive habits that show you care, but without taking up too much time or money.

 

Acts of service

This means doing the dishes, taking out the trash, feeding and walking the dogs, helping more with the children, taking the car to the car-wash, doing the cooking or the laundry.

 

Praise

It’s easy to give words of praise:

 

* I’m so proud of you

* Well done

* That was amazing

* You’re such a great cook

* You’re a great dad, helping out with the kids so much

* And so, on

 

The praise should be sincere and, if possible, specific to something the other person has done recently. This shows you are noticing them and not taking them for granted.

 

Gifts

Little things can mean a lot:

 

* A single red rose

* Their favorite candy

* A piece of clothing you know they had their eye on at the mall

* A nice meal out

* A note tucked where it will be found later

 

And anything else that you know they would like.

 

Quality time

This can be tough if you have kids, but it is worth it to make the effort:

 

* Thirty minutes of chatting and hand-holding once the kids are asleep

* A regular date night

* A shared activity you both enjoy, such as a walk or a bike ride at your local beauty spot

* Walk the dog(s) together

 

Physical touch

In many cases, this will mean sex, but it can mean a lot of other things as well:

 

* Cuddling

* Holding hands

* Hugging

* Kissing

* Trading massages

* Showering or bathing together

 

And anything else you both enjoy.

Find your love languages and give these ideas a try - then see how it helps bring romance into your life rather than your having taken each other for granted.

 

I hope you enjoyed this small mix of my Gram’s wisdom with some of my own. If you found it valuable, please share it. I appreciate you taking your time to read this.

Rekindle Your Romantic Life

Activities to reawaken your romantic senses

 

Too many couples pay less attention to the romantic side of their lives while other aspects receive a higher priority. Sure, raising children, establishing a home, and getting ahead in your career are important for you both. And, life comes at you in seasons and it’s to be expected that some things or events just demand more of your time and attention at certain times.

Yet, putting your romantic lives on the back burner and living like roommates rather than as lovers is not good for the long-term health of your relationship. This is just as true if you are working empty nesters or an active senior couple who has fallen out of the habit of seeing yourself or your partner as a lover.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Romance and intimacy are all about making and keeping connections alive with your partner. Connections using your five senses can help.

 

Life too busy to romance your partner. Find reconnection tips here..png

Touch

1. Hand-holding - is something most couples do when they are first dating, but an activity many couples stop once they’ve been together for a while. Yet hand-holding brings people together both physically and emotionally.

Walking down the street or in a mall or in nature holding hands connects you in terms of posture, pace and shared experience. Holding hands when you are sitting watching TV is also a way of sharing experience.

 

2. Hugging - Hand-holding can lead to hugging and snuggling, especially when you are sitting together.

 

3. Kissing – Don’t forget that kiss on the way out the door combined with a have a good day. What about your arrival home? Do you offer a kiss and a how was your day?

 

4. Sleeping in bed - Do you sleep far apart? Or even in separate rooms? Or do you tend to spoon and snuggle up? There might be some valid reasons for separate rooms (such as health issues) but if this is the case, do plan to make up for the physical contact prior to going to bed to sleep.

 

Taste and other connections

5. Sharing food can be very intimate and fun. Exploring new foods together can be an adventure and feeding one another bites from your plates is a lovely tactile experience.

 

6. So too are nostalgic things you like to do together that help remind you of how you became a couple.

 

7. Some couples "nest" by shopping together to choose things that will make their house feel more like a home.

 

Sound

8. Your taste in music can bring you closer together as you sing along to old favorites and new. Extra points if you have an “our song.”

 

9. Some couples like to have pleasant sounds in the bedroom, especially the sounds that wake them up, so they are not jolted out of their sleep each morning. Bird song, the patter of rain, and other soothing sounds can give you a chance to snuggle in bed before facing another busy day.

 

Smell

10. Shared smells can bring a sense of closeness. Perfume and aftershave are known for their allure, provided you don’t use too much of them and the other person likes the fragrance.

 

11. Scientists also posit that pheromones can affect how a couple reacts to each other.

 

12. Then there is aromatherapy. This ancient healing method uses highly concentrated botanicals known as essential oils to elevate the mood and re-establish balance and harmony. Citrus scents like lemon and neroli (orange flower) boost the energy. Lavender and cedar-wood are more soothing. Combine with massage for a romantic evening together.

 

Sight

13. Not everyone fills their house with photos, but it is always a good idea to have at least a few around the house to remind you of all the good times you have shared.

 

14. Some of the photos can be romantic, to remind you of what you first found so attractive about each other. You can include a wedding photo, and/or a snap from your honeymoon.

 

15. Some photos can be action shots of shared activities that should help you bond and make you feel closer.

 

16. Create a shared album online from the photos you take on your phone. Looking through them will remind you of all the fun and romance you’ve shared together.

 

I am a mix of both old and modern. I think it’s up to what suits the two people in love best!
— Shraddha Kapoor

Ideas for romantic date nights

           

Both men and women struggle with romantic ideas for a date night that puts romance back on the front burner, especially if they’ve been in a rut for any length of time.

Here are ten ideas that should work, and which don’t have to cost a lot.

 

1. Dinner for two

Depending on your budget, you could go out to your favorite restaurant. Or, you could plan to cook a nice multi-course meal, complete with wine and dessert, that caters to your tastes. Even if you are not a great cook, there are a lot of meal kit services that deliver everything you need in one package to make an (exotic) meal of your choice for a fraction of the cost of dining out.

 

2. Evening picnics

This is ideal when the evenings start to get longer. Head to your local park, beach or beauty spot with a picnic hamper full of your favorite treats. If it’s within walking distance of your home, you can share some champagne or even cocktails.

 

3. A late-night opening

Most museums and art galleries stay open late one night of the week. Take your loved one to the exhibits and plan a nice meal out or at home.

 

4. Movie Night

Go out or stay in with a pile of DVDs or streaming. You don’t have to see a romantic movie, but it can help.

 

5. Couples day at the spa

Some spas have couples' nights and special couples' rooms and other features to set a romantic mood for the evening. Choose from various forms of massage and other therapies. See if they also serve food and drink at the facility.

 

6. Trip to the gym

This may not sound that romantic, but the truth is that exercise elevates mood and gives a good boost of energy. Competitive couples can find it sexy to face off over various activities. Others find it fun to take classes together, such as spinning or Zumba.

 

7. Ballroom dancing

Even if you have two left feet, this can be an activity your partner will really enjoy and be fun and romantic as well. Dress up or down and bring your sense of humor and fun with you.

 

8. Sporting events 

Again, this is not always sexy or romantic for everyone, but spending quality time together on a shared activity makes it easier to get closer and bridge any gaps that have formed because you’ve been putting romance on the back burner instead of making it a priority.

 

9. A Concert

This is perfect if you both love music. If the price of tickets is very high in your area, look for open air concerts in the local parks.

 

10. An overnight getaway

Try a weeknight in a nice hotel, complete with room service and a trip to the hot tub. You can usually get an affordable room rate and won’t have to worry about anyone bothering you once you hang up that "Do not disturb" sign.

This is ideal for couples with children who can get a sitter or the Grandparents to look after them overnight while you lay the ground for the romance and intimacy that has been lacking in your relationship. Check Groupon and similar sites, or travel sites, for special deals.

 

Listen to each other - really listen

 

There is little in life more romantic than your partner wanting to confide in you their hopes and dreams. But listening is a vastly underrated skill.

Many people are in such a hurry to explain their ideas or express themselves they rarely let anyone else get a word in.

If you struggle with communication issues or if your partner is not as forthcoming as you feel they might be, perhaps it’s time to assess how good a listener you really are.

 

A good listener

Here are a few illustrations of the difference between a good and a bad listener.

 

Make time

We are all busy, so, "Have you got a minute," is often the way we open conversations with family and with friends. They mention what is on their mind, and your response is likely to be one of several things, all unlikely to be conversation openers, but rather, communication closers.

You might go into full problem-solving mode, but it’s important to consider not only the other person, but the reason they are speaking to you. Your partner might not want you to "solve" their problem. They might just want you to be a willing ear and really hear them.

You might respond negatively with an abrupt, "I really don’t have time for that now." The risk is in shutting down the conversation not just at that point, but forever.

A different approach might be to say, "I’m just finishing up something. Can you please give me X minutes, and then I will give you my full attention?"

 

Listen without judgement

Telling someone what to do after they have told you something is judging them and the situation. However, this is rarely helpful because we aren’t all the same, and what may seem like a minor issue to you could be a big deal to your partner.

A good listener will therefore not comment, or problem solve, unless they are asked to do so.

 

Repeat what you think you hear

For a bad listener, what the person says is not always what you hear. Again, this might be a value judgement on your part, such as that person is a complainer, is never happy, and so on. This devalues the person’s trust when asking for help, and real communication will not take place.

An alternative is to really listen to the person, and when they are finished speaking, to repeat what you think you have heard. You might phrase it like, "So what I think you’re saying is that you’re worried we haven’t been spending enough quality romantic time together, and you would like us to schedule a regular date night without the children around."

 

Defensiveness

If you’re correct about what you’ve heard in the example above, you might be furious that they are complaining they are not getting enough time with you; you already think you have plenty of quality time, and so on. Remember, this is their perception of the truth and they hope you will be willing to discuss the issue and work with them to resolve it.

You’ll never know what’s on a person’s mind if they give you the silent treatment, so practice being a good listener and see how much your relationship improves




I hope you enjoyed this post and found it valuable as well as relevant regardless of your age. Please share it with anyone you believe needs it.