Being More Supportive To Your Friends

Daily life is full of struggles, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of only thinking about yourself. Consequently, it can be difficult to know how to support your friends. And frankly, there is no one way for you to support all your friends. However, empathizing with and supporting a friend in their time of need is crucial to a healthy relationship. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. 

Having good friends is one of the most important things in life. After all, friends are the people who will be there for you when you need them, and who will help you celebrate your successes. But being a good friend isn’t always easy. It can be difficult to be objective about a friend’s problems and it takes work to maintain a strong friendship. But supporting them through tough times strengthens your friendship and creates a more meaningful connection.

Here are a few ways to be a better and more supportive friend.

Make time for them.

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, one of the most important things you can do for your friends is to make time for them. Be there for them when they need you, and simply be present When you make time for your friends, you are showing them that you care about them and that you want to support them.

It can be difficult to make time for your friends when you have a lot going on in your own life. This doesn’t mean you must clear your calendar. Instead, you can invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a coffee after work.

Your friends are there for you when you need them, so you must support them in return. If you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to your friends. Let them know what is happening in your life and how they can help you. They will appreciate knowing that you trust them enough to confide in them.

Be a better listener.

You’ve heard it time and time again: if you want to be a more supportive friend, one of the best things you can do is to be a better listener. It can be easy to want to offer advice or jump in with your opinion when your friends are sharing something. But listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Hearing what your friend is saying - and not just waiting for your turn to speak - can make them feel heard and understood.

Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. Sometimes, the ability to share what’s going on without being judged can be an enormous relief. And sometimes, your listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. It also shows that you value their thoughts and experiences.

If you’re unsure how to be a better listener, here are a few things you can try:

1. Make eye contact and focus on the person who is talking.

2. Put away distractions like your phone or the TV.

3. Try to resist the urge to interrupt or interject.

4. Ask questions to show you’re interested and engaged in the conversation.

5. Repeat what your friend has said to show you’ve understood them.

6. Avoid advising unless your friend asks for it.

7. Just be present and let your friend know you support them.

Cheer your friends up or cheer them on.

Whatever your friends may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to step up. You can cheer them up or cheer them on. Sometimes your friends feel disappointed with the lack of forward momentum in a goal. You could cheer them up by reminding them of how far they have come.

Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym today. Here is your chance to take a practical approach to cheer them on. You could encourage them by offering to go with them, so they don’t miss a session or help remind them of the goal they made. And afterward, you may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go!

So, try to be upbeat around your friends. This may help them to see the good in their situation and feel more hopeful.

Celebrate your friends’ achievements.

Your friends will have good days and bad days. As important as it is to be there for them when they're feeling down, it's just as important to celebrate their achievements with them. And if they conquer a big goal, you should try and offer to celebrate with them! After all, true friends are ecstatic when their friends mark big steps in life!

Here are four ways you can show your support for your friends' accomplishments.

• Firstly, take an interest in what they're doing. If they're excited about something, ask them about it. Showing a genuine interest in their lives will make them feel appreciated and valued.

• Secondly, congratulate them graciously. A heartfelt "well done" can mean a lot, especially when it's coming from a friend.

• Thirdly, offer your help. If they've achieved something big, they might need a hand getting everything sorted out. Let them know you're there for them.

• Finally, just enjoy their company. Sometimes, the best way to show you care is to simply spend time with them. Whether you're celebrating their success or simply enjoying a cup of coffee together, quality time is always appreciated.

Offer your shoulder in tough times.

A | There's nothing like having a best friend - someone you can share your deepest secrets with, laugh with until you cry, and rely on during tough times. If you want to be the friend they can count on, here are a few things you can do:

B | Make them laugh: Sometimes, the best medicine is laughter. If your friend is feeling down, make them laugh with your silly jokes or funny stories.

C | Accept them for who they are: Your friend is going to have good days and bad days. Accept them for who they are and love them no matter what.

D | Help them out if you are able: If your friend is dealing with a practical problem, do what you can to help them out. For example, if they are having car trouble, see if you can help them fix it, give them a ride, or run errands for them.

E | Offer advice only if asked: If your friend comes to you for advice, try to be helpful. Be honest with them, in any friendship, honesty is key. Offer them your honest opinion and help them brainstorm solutions to their problem.

F | Help them find help: If your friends are struggling, encourage them to get help. This could be from a professional, such as a therapist, or a support group. Sometimes just talking to someone who understands can make a huge difference.

G | If you want to be a good friend, one of the best things you can do is be a shoulder to cry on. This means being there for your friend when they need to vent and offering a comforting ear and shoulder to cry on. It can be difficult to see a friend in pain, but being there for them can make all the difference. Just be sure to respect your friend’s wishes and you’ll be giving them the best support possible.

By following these tips, you can be the friend they can always count on- no matter what.

My final thoughts are.

Being more supportive of your friends is a great way to show them you care. It can make a big difference in their lives, and it can also make yours more fulfilling. So next time your friend is struggling, offer to lend an ear and just be there for them. Let them know how much you appreciate them and show them how much they mean to you.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and thank you for reading it.

For more information, check out these posts.

8 Ways To Really Help A Friend In Need.

Five Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills.

Little Kindnesses Create Huge Impacts

Grams Wisdom 22

My Gram believed that there was nothing worse you could do than to be unkind. It’s been years but I still remember how my Gram had told me, “a kindness offered to others returns to the giver.” Gram said the warmth in your heart when you are unexpectedly kind is a special feeling that you can’t get any other way.  

Can you remember how you felt after a tough day when a stranger smiled at you?  Or having helped your neighbor carry in her groceries and how she still thanks you for it? Each of these acts of kindness can make a huge impact on someone’s life.

Gram also said kind actions are like giant ripples in a pond. One small action can completely change the life of someone who then pays it forward and performs a kindness for someone else. And the cycle continues and grows.

Regardless of how big or small, the kindness is, it’s likely to have big consequences for your mental health. According to psychologists and researchers, the smallest acts of kindness create a rebound effect on not only the receiver’s psyche but your own as well.

For example, a smile increases a person’s level of comfort along with making them happier. It makes your mood better as well. That simple smile you give could be the reason someone is lifted out of despair.

We can become kinder by practicing every day. Do a random act of kindness each day for someone and observe the impact it has on you. Soon it becomes who you are, and then maybe, how you will be remembered.

Tiny acts of kindness can make a change in two ways; they are the spark for others to begin invoking their small kindnesses, and they have a contagious effect on others. In other words, when we carry out tiny acts of kindness, other people see them, inspiring more kindness.

Let’s look at another example. Say you paint the front door for your elderly infirm neighbor. The lady across the street notices this and offers to do some shopping for him. Perhaps someone else saw this and calls him the next day just to say hello. When you offer service to others with no thought of recompense, it makes you feel happier.

Small acts can create big outcomes

Kind people think others are worthy of consideration for their own sake as fellow human beings. People who tend to do little things to spread kindness are more likely to act in bigger ways as well.

Here are ten ways small acts can have an impact.

1.  Learn first aid. Learning first aid principles can help you be prepared to act if someone needs help in an emergency.

2.  Be a part of a community cleanup effort. Help clean up a park, neighborhood, or local waterway.

3.  Donate toys to the local women’s shelter.

4.  Donate flowers to someone in need in places like hospices, or care homes.

5.  Prepare a hot meal for a neighbor either down on their luck, or unwell. 

6.  Leave snacks in the break room at work.

7.  Volunteer at your local Brownies/Scouts or boys’/girls’ clubs.

8.  Donate books to your local library or children in need.

9.  Remove single-use plastic from your life. Recycle plastics and other recyclables.

10. Volunteer to read to children at your local library.

Whatever you choose to do, every tiny act of kindness can have an immense impact on others in ways you may never imagine. Each tiny act is observed and passed along to another making it expand into a big act.

My final thought

My Gram was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. She often told me if you can’t say something kind don’t say anything at all. And she made it seem effortless. It was never too much trouble to cook for a friend, provide a shoulder to cry on, or keep a great-grandchild overnight so a young working mom could catch an extra shift at her part-time job. Gram thought we all should aspire to be remembered as kind.

If this post resonated with you, please be kind and share it with your family and friends.

It’s A Less Kind World We Live In

It appears life has taken us to a place where we no longer value kindness as a trait. Kindness has been replaced with self-absorption and wanting to stay anonymous. The question is why has the world become less kind?

Is it that we no longer care about others? I don’t think so. Do we believe kindness makes us seem weak? Is the lack of kindness from some global change?

The truth is, kindness has become less and less important in our daily lives for several reasons.

· We’re in a rush. Life has become so fast-paced, filled with appointments and places to be that we feel we no longer have the time to simply sit and listen to someone.

· Technology dependence has taken place of the human face-to-face, voice-to-voice interactions of the past. No longer do we pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to talk to others. Now we spend our time texting, posting, getting involved in others drama or simply playing mindless games on our cell phones, tablets, computers, and even our watches.

Technology has allowed us to be thoughtless by being late all the time. After all, we can simply text our friend we’re running late, and they’ll know. It’s taken away the common courtesies of saying thank you, hello, nice to meet you, please, and “how can I help you”.

We no longer smile at others when we see them. We no longer sympathize or help someone who is having a rough day. Instead, we place an emoji on our social media post or in a text and think we have done enough.

There’s an app for everything. Want to have a relationship? Use this app. Want to order your dinner? Use this app. Are these apps taking away the connectedness we once had that produced kindness? The self-same connectedness people claim to want in their lives. Maybe.

· Self-absorption and self-centeredness are another reason kindness has taken a backseat. Many people are focused on their own lives, on getting ahead and doing whatever is necessary to beat the other guy.

People are more interested in taking care of their wants before they reach out and extend some type of kindness to others. We’ve become a society of “me first” that wasn’t seen as often just a few years ago.

· The way we live causes us to withdraw from others. Living in crowded cities among strangers can make you quickly hide your natural inclination to be generous and kind to others. With crime, kidnappings, murders, and other fears running wild in many cities, people have found it safer to keep to themselves. The rise in road rage keeps people from stopping to help someone with car trouble.

· How we were raised was different 30 years ago. We didn’t need catchphrases to tell us to help one another. We believed in helping each other. Neighbors looked out for each other. People weren’t afraid to help the poor and needy. People taught their children to respect others and to be trustworthy and honest.

Today people are more afraid to show their kindness. There is fear that we will be attacked for what we say or do. We don’t want to appear vulnerable and to be hurt, so we avert our eyes and try not to see those who need our kindness.

Kindness has taken a backseat to greed, technology, poor manners, and the world we live in. Instead of showing kindness, we’re afraid to be seen as the nice guy because we might be taken advantage of.

Ways to add kindness into your day

But you’re convinced that being kind is how you want to live your life. And you’re making considerable headway in cultivating your kindness mindset, but you’re still looking for some suggestions?

Try these five tactics to include kindness in your life.

1.  Practice empathy.

You probably know that saying about walking a mile in the other person’s shoes, right? It’s true, empathy and kindness are two sides of the same coin.

Remember, you can have no idea what’s happening in the other guy’s life. They could be on a high or have just received devastating news. They may be dealing with all kinds of problems. And you being short-tempered or cutting in line in front of them might be the last straw. Why choose to hurt when you can be kind?

2.  Listen to others.

Sometimes just listening is the greatest gift you can give a person. If a friend or family member is having a rough time, they need to talk. And you need to listen. You might be able to help, or you might not. To begin with, they need to be heard.

3.  Show your gratitude.

So often we’re focused on achieving the next goal, always trying to stay ahead. And that can make you inaccessible, or brusque in your dealings with others. It can keep you focused on yourself instead of others.

Try sitting back and looking around. Feel grateful for all that you have, and all you’ve achieved — being grateful sets you up for being in the kindness mindset. Instead of focusing on getting more, you’ll want to share the love!

4.  Choose kindness intentionally.

Begin every day by setting the intention to be kind. Consciously choosing kindness before you’ve even gotten out of bed puts you in the kindness zone and makes being kind easier.

You know that habits take several weeks to ‘stick,’ right? Begin a kindness habit now, and it will soon become just part of who you are and how you behave. Why it’s hardly any effort at all!

5.  Be a role model.

In a world where unpleasantness is common, and trolling people online is an everyday event, you can stand out by being a role model for kindness.

The world needs your kindness more than ever. Like positivity, kindness can be contagious. If you are consciously kind, you’ll likely set up a virtuous kindness circle–your acts and attitudes of kindness will inspire people around you to treat others kindlier. You might even shame those trolls or bullies into better behavior.

My final thought

Kindness doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. It functions well in the little things we do. A smile to a stranger, holding a door for a person whose hands are full, or a word of encouragement to someone who is hurting. Kindness warms the hearts of both the giver and the recipient.

If you enjoyed this post, please kindly share it with your family and friends.

Five Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills

How Well Do You Listen?

It should be noted that listening is every bit as important as speaking. Why? Because we all want to be heard and understood. That means someone needs to be on the receiving end listening, or we would just be talking to ourselves. But being heard isn’t the only benefit of good listening. People tend to think a good listener is more trustworthy. But, to really be heard you must listen.

The biggest way you can do that is to improve your listening skills. Listening requires concentration, at least, if you are not used to doing it and it also takes practice. The following five tips should help start you on your way to becoming a great listener.

Are You Fully In the Moment?

It’s understandable why people get distracted. There is a lot going on in life both personal and business. You owe it to yourself and to others to minimize distractions while having a conversation. And make no mistake being a good listener means being a good conversationalist.

People tend to be self-absorbed and constantly think about themselves. So, while you think about yourself, remember it’s also important to be mindful of others.

The benefits of improved listening will make it worthwhile to you as people will know (at least subconsciously) when you are doing it and appreciate it. They will feel your interest and want to spend more time with you. They will sense that you are taking notice of what they have to say and in turn will want to listen to you.

Tip 1: Clear your mind and focus on what the person is saying.

Take a Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes

When they are speaking, make an effort to put yourself in their place. Listening doesn’t mean you have to respond to everything. In fact, sometimes all people need is to get something off their chests. Giving advice is not always a good idea, especially if you are not familiar with the situation or don’t have the expertise. Again, it’s all about hearing what others are talking about and showing empathy when needed.

It also doesn’t require you to unconditionally agree with what is being said. But it’s important to at least hear the message. When you feel you are in the right and can offer your opinion on whatever the subject may be, then you should do so. When it is your turn to talk, find some common ground and start with something you agree with.

 Tip 2: Be tactful and respectful of others.

Let the Speaker Know You Were Listening

Be responsive and encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh. Nod occasionally and smile, make eye contact. Ask questions or for clarification on a particular point. Begin your questions with the words “how” and “what” to leave them open-ended. This invites a further exchange of information. So, don’t forget to share information about yourself. This is a conversation, not an interrogation.

Tip 3: Build connections with people.

Practice Active Listening

Show a genuine interest in what the person is saying by giving your full attention. This should be reinforced by eye contact and other Body Language signals such as facial expressions and gestures. Don’t mentally prepare what you will say next. It’s difficult to listen to and fully understand what you heard under that circumstance. Instead, show the person that you understood what had been said by repeating and paraphrasing what you heard. Then ask them “if this is what they meant.”

Tip 4: Show your interest in what the person says.

Develop a Growth Mindset

People who are curious see conversations as learning opportunities. So, they see everyone they speak to as having the potential to teach them something. They are open to new ideas, challenges, and experiences. For these people, listening to others has become another way to absorb knowledge.  

Tip 5: Expand your knowledge.

Listening is a skill that can be mastered. It takes time and a commitment. Remember your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. What you will find when you put forth the effort is that people may start approaching you more often because you have taken these first few steps to becoming a great listener.

Looking for more information to Improve Your Listening Skills?

8 Tips To Improve Your Listening Skills

How To Develop Listening Skills

Listening Skills

I really enjoyed writing this post. It has always been my belief that understanding others is only achieved when truly listening to them. Please let me know what you think.

Body Language Understanding Non-Verbal Cues

Did you ever meet someone and think right away that maybe you couldn’t trust them? What was it about them that caused you to feel that way? Was it something they said or did? Because in the first few minutes of meeting someone, we make decisions about that person's intentions based on their non-verbal cues.  

Non-verbal Communication, commonly called body language, is the way our bodies tell another person about whom we really are and what we really think. There’s a reason Hollywood portrays the villain in an ugly light, just as they make the hero look like he can do no wrong. They want us to be sure who the players are.

It's especially important to make a good first impression. As many people like to say you never get a second chance at a good first impression. So make sure what your Body Language reveals about you is aligned with what you are saying.

Confidence - Signals 

• Posture: stand straight and tall with your shoulders back but relaxed
• Lean in slightly: this shows your focus is on them
• Eye contact: present a solid gaze with a smiling face
• Gestures: hands and arms should be purposeful and deliberate
• Speech: slow and clear
• Tone of voice: moderate to low and don't end every sentence with a question
• Handshake: firm 

Relaxed and calm is what people like to see. It’s like when you smile at someone and they smile back at you. You cause them to want to smile because you seem to be happy. It rubs off.

Communication, not your strong point? Then practice in front of a mirror. Smile and say hello. Notice how you look. Would you want to meet you? Or would you cross the street to avoid you?

Now practice standing up straight, shoulders back, hands fidget free at your sides, and eyes forward making contact. Good posture is a good practice to develop. Being all scrunched up and hunched over with a frown on your face is no way to be. Pretend there is a string in the top of your head pulling you up. Now smile. There, you look great!

Defensiveness - Signals 

• Hand/arm gestures: small and close to the body
• Facial expressions: minimal
• Body: turned away from you
• Arms: crossed in front of body
• Eyes: downcast, no eye contact

When you see this behavior your audience isn't open to what you have to say and your message is falling on deaf ears. By picking up on these cues you can make changes to what you say or how you are saying it to help that person feel more at ease and thereby more receptive to your message.

Disengagement - Signals 

• Heads: are down
• Eyes: glazed over or gazing elsewhere
• Hands: fiddling with pen or doodling
• People: slumped in their chairs

This behavior tells you your audience isn't buying into what you're saying. When you see that someone appears to be disengaged you can bring their focus back to the topic at hand by asking them a direct question and waiting for their answer. 

Lying - Signals

• Eyes: maintain little to no contact, or have rapid eye movements
• Hands/fingers: in front of mouth when speaking
• Body: turned away from you or unusual body gestures
• Breathing: rate increases
• Complexion: changes in color, red in the face or neck
• Perspiration: increases
• Voice: changes in pitch, stammering or throat clearing

The ability to know if someone is lying will stand you in good stead. But if you notice some of these signs of lying don't jump to conclusions as they are often signs of nervousness. Instead, ask questions that may help to define what they think to see if this is the case.

Reflection - Signals 

• Eyes: look away and return when answering
• Fingers: stroking chin
• Hand: on cheek
• Head: tilted with eyes looking up

What do you do when asked a really good question? These gestures give away that they are thinking or pondering the answer to that question.

Understanding non-verbal communication is beneficial to your relations with people and a skill anyone can learn with practice. So, become more confident today by putting just one thing from this post into practice. In a short time, you will develop your own style of walking, standing, and greeting people. Remember: actions speak louder than words.

Please like or share this post if you find it useful. Better still leave me a comment so we can discuss what you liked or didn't like about it.