Mindfulness And Presence Techniques For Beginners

Gram’s Wisdom 51 Stop, look and listen.

Though the terms were foreign to her, my Gram practiced mindfulness and presence every day of her life. She called what she did focusing on the here and now. When I was young, she explained to me that I should stop and look at how much beauty there is to see everywhere in every season. And stop to listen to the hum of bees, water rushing over rocks, or the songs of birds. 

Many were the times when she would light a scented candle, and we would prepare a pot of tea together in the evening. Sometimes we would talk quietly and listen to hear what the other had said. At other times we would listen to music that we both loved or just sit in companionable silence.

In the early hours of the morning, Gram and I would sit together on the porch listening to the birds sing and watching the sunrise. She would tell me what she was grateful for. And I was absorbing a mindfulness practice that had no name but has grounded me and carried me every day of my life. Thanks, Gram.

The central ideas of mindfulness and presence.

Mindfulness and presence are two central ideas today. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it can be difficult to find time to focus on the present moment. However, mindfulness and presence techniques can help to bring tranquility and focus into your life.

Presence and mindfulness are not only important for your mental health, but they can also help you to be more productive and efficient in your life. When you’re present, you can focus on what is in front of you and not be distracted by your thoughts. When you’re mindful, you can be aware of your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them or judging them.

Various mindfulness practices are easy and accessible to new practitioners. Try implementing some of the techniques below and see how quickly you can get a grasp on your thoughts and shift them to an inspiring mindset.

Breathe.

One way to practice mindfulness is easily accessible at any time - breathing. Focusing on the breath is a great way to calm the mind. And provide a tranquil environment in which the mind can slow down and allow for curiosity and creativity. Breathing deeply brings calm to the mind and the body and adds fresh oxygen to our brain which allows new thoughts to develop. Breathing brings the body to calmness and regulates the nervous system.

One breathing technique is to focus on your inhales and exhales, counting each one as you breathe. You can also focus on the feeling of your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Another breathing technique is to imagine your breath as a wave, flowing in and out of your body. You can also bring your awareness to your body and how it feels to be breathing. If you notice tension in your body, you can focus on relaxing the muscles.
 

“Eternity belongs to those who live in the present.”

— LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN

Drink tea.

One way to bring mindfulness to the moment is to drink tea with a calm and peaceful quietude. When we drink tea, we can also take deep breaths and take breaks in between sips to allow spaciousness in the mind. This is a simple task, but the key is to be present in the moment and pay attention to the act of drinking tea.

Take a few deep breaths and focus your attention on the act of organizing the tea. Which do you prefer a mug or teacup and saucer? In what form do you like your tea a tea bag or loose-leaf tea don’t forget the tea ball. As you prepare the tea, listen to the sound of the boiling water. Inhale the scent of the tea as it rises with the steam from the cup. Once the tea has steeped, sit down, and take a few slow sips, savoring the flavor and the warmth.

Notice how your body feels as you drink the tea. Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, letting them come and go without judgment. Just be with the tea and the moment. Drinking tea can be an excellent way to relax and de-stress. The key is to be mindful of the experience and to be present in the moment. By paying attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations, you create a sense of serenity and peace.  

Write a gratitude list.

Making a list of gratitude is an amazing practice of mindfulness. It is a practice of noticing the gifts, grace, and good in your life. Gratitude lists are a way of acknowledging the abundance in your life. Some people find it helpful to keep a daily gratitude list, others do it weekly, or only occasionally. However often you choose to do it, gratitude lists are a way of reminding you of the good things you have. They can also help you to focus on the positive aspects of life.

Each morning, evening, or whenever you can make time throughout the day, sit with a pen and paper and write a list of things you are grateful for. Maybe you set a timer for 3 minutes to write about what you are grateful for or commit to writing down 3 things from the day that you are grateful for. Items on a gratitude list could be big or small, something from the past, or something happening in the present time. Bringing gratitude into the mind is a great practice and can lead to a greater number of positive feelings and recognition of positive experiences.

Here is a sample gratitude list.

1.  I am grateful for my abundant health.

2. I am grateful to my family and friends.

3. I am grateful for my job.

4. I am grateful for the shelter of my home.

5. I am grateful for my dog, Houdini.

6. I am grateful for my ability to walk.

7. I am grateful for the sun shining today.

8. I am grateful for the rain that watered my garden.

9. I am grateful for the food in my refrigerator.

10. I am grateful for my bed, where I will sleep comfortably tonight.

Light a candle.

Lighting a candle is another way to bring mindfulness into your life. As you light the candle, take a moment to notice the sensation of touching the match to the wick. Feel the heat of the flame as it springs to life, the scent of the smoke, and the sight of the flickering flame. Take the time to sit with it and watch it. Fire is one of the most fundamental aspects of nature. It reminds us that we are strong and peaceful and ever-changing.

You can light a candle and sit calmly in front of it and enjoy its presence. Watching a flame flicker can be incredibly calming. Don’t try to control your thoughts or stop them from coming. Allow them to come and go as they please while you concentrate your attention on the flame. It’s okay if your mind wanders. Just return your focus to the flame. As you practice, you’ll find that you can focus on the flame for longer periods.

Listening Meditation.

Listening is one of the most basic and important human skills. You rely on it to communicate, learn, and interact with others. Regrettably, in the fast-paced, modern world, it’s all too easy to get caught up in our thoughts and fail to listen to what others are saying. Mindfulness and presence techniques can help you slow down, focus your attention, and listen to what others have to say. 

A practice of mindfulness that can be implemented anywhere is an audible or listening meditation. Wherever you are, you can take a moment to listen to the sounds around you and recognize where you are and what your sense of hearing is experiencing. Listen to the birds singing, the breeze rustling through the trees, the sounds of traffic, or whatever else you can hear. Don’t try to do anything with the sounds, just be aware of them. If your mind wanders, simply bring your attention back to the surrounding sounds. Listening mindfulness is a practice that can be transformative for attention to the present moment.

Benefits of being present.

When you are fully present in the moment, you are open to new experiences and new ways of seeing things. You are also better able to manage difficult situations and make wiser decisions. The following are additional benefits of being present:

• You are better able to appreciate the good things in life.

• You are better able to connect with others.

• You are better able to find meaning in life.

• You are better able to live in the present moment.

• You are better able to let go of the past and embrace the future.

Mindfulness and presence techniques can be used to improve your mental and emotional well-being. Practicing these techniques can help you to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and to manage any stress and anxiety you may have. With regular practice, you may find that you concentrate better, sleep better, and feel more relaxed and positive.

My final thoughts are.

If you're looking to add mindfulness and presence practices to your life, there are many different techniques you can try. Some key techniques include focusing on your breath and noticing your thoughts and emotions. By incorporating these techniques into your daily life, you can begin to experience the benefits of mindfulness, such as increased focus, decreased anxiety, and improved well-being.

For more information, read these posts.

Mindfulness For Beginners.

10 Best Reasons For You To Become Mindful.

Thank you for reading this post.

Fighting Fair for Couples

It takes time and understanding to manage a loving relationship. Regardless of how much we love each other and work at our romantic relationship, there are bound to be difficulties that lead to arguments. This can be more evident for Seniors who spend a larger amount of time in one another’s company without the buffer of jobs or the raising of a family.

We are two very different people trying to live one life together, after all. When fights do occur, don’t let them descend into a free-for-all. Just like every other “game” in life, there are rules to fighting that everyone in love should abide by if they want to maintain their happy relationship.

We all have to face up to the fact that we will have to begin conversations about touchy subjects throughout life. We may try to put them off for as long as possible because we don’t want to deal with them, but eventually, to keep the relationship healthy, we must.

As the years fly by we often take one another for granted. So, we become careless or neglectful of our partner’s feelings. We often sabotage or damage our partnership without realizing it until later. For some it can be too late.

These nine tips are designed to help couples fight fairly

Choose your timing carefully

It may never feel like the exact right time because you know it’s going to be a difficult conversation to have. Don’t pounce on your partner unexpectedly wanting them to change a long held pattern of behavior. Especially if this is something they have done for years and you are just now addressing this issue.

It can take real self-discipline to hold your tongue when you want to get something worked out right away. It’s better to schedule your conversation for a time when you are both relaxed and feeling well. When both of you are in a good frame of mind to discuss a difficult subject the conversation can end up not as challenging as you expected. If we blurt out our grievance without taking into consideration the mental state of the other person, or have given them no previous warning, we inevitably make the argument much larger than it needs to be.

Use “I” language

We’ve all heard this, but it bears repeating. The other person is immediately on the defensive when a sentence starts with “You do ___ and I don’t like it….”  It’s just human nature because it feels like we are being attacked. But keep in mind that no one can make us feel anything - only we ourselves can do that. So, switch your “you dos” to “I’s.” Say something like, “I feel ___ when you do ___.” It’s not just semantics - to show that you are in control of your feelings. You are focusing on the feelings instead of the behavior you don’t like. This allows the other person feel safe enough to let down their guard and discuss the situation rationally, instead of feeling blamed.

Focus on the now

It’s so easy to get all worked up and start pulling out grievances from months or years past. Most people tend to argue about the same type of issue over and over. For example, money and household responsibilities issues are common, even in the most loving relationships. Take care to avoid bringing up the past. And, if one of these slips out, apologize and come back to the current issue. (Note: if certain past issues continue to rear their ugly heads, it’s likely you have never truly resolved them.)

“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together.”  - Anonymous

Never say never

This connects with the tip above. When you start throwing around words like always and never which are all encompassing, you know you are in dangerous territory. It’s usually an overstatement that simply escalates the fighting and does not accomplish anything or rectify the situation.

Discounting their feelings

We do this when we argue about the way they say they feel. Things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way because I didn’t mean it like that.” or getting angry when they share their feelings, even in a non-accusatory way can make the other person feel like their feelings don’t matter to you. Feelings are real. Obviously, you can’t maintain a firm connection with another person when they think their feelings are unimportant to you. Our feelings are our reality, and everyone’s reality is different because the way we experience things is different. Take care to avoid making your loved one believe they are wrong for having the experience that they are.

Believing one of you is right and the other is wrong

We live in a world of dichotomies. If something is wrong, something else must be right. But just as we explained above, everyone experiences the same situations differently based on our upbringing and background. These things shape the way we view situations. Many times, no one is right or wrong. We just need to come together long enough to understand that we don’t see things the same way and that there is nothing wrong in that. We can still have a strong committed relationship despite our differing views of reality.

Keep your feelings in check

Allow enough time to have passed so that you aren’t as emotional or angry as you originally were. When we bring a heavy dose of emotion into a difficult situation, it only amplifies everything - the words, thoughts, and feelings of everyone involved. The wrong words or a strong tone of voice can feel like an attack Before you bring up the topic, make sure that you can discuss it as objectively as possible. It will make the whole thing go more smoothly.

Listen without thinking

When it’s the other person’s turn to explain their side of the story or version of the situation, keep your thoughts clear. Really hear what they are saying to you. To do that, you must refrain from thinking about how you will respond when they are finished. We do this frequently in all types of conversations, and we should do our best to avoid it. But it’s never more important than when we are having a difficult conversation with someone we care about.

Understand that conflict happens

Even in the closest, most loving relationships, conflict is going to occur sometimes. If you have built a strong, healthy relationship with the other person, don’t let your fears of losing them run away with you. Strong relationships can tolerate the occasional argument or uncomfortable talk. It’s much better than the alternative, which is to bottle up anger and hurt, which results in a build-up of resentment. And we all know what happens when things build to a boiling point, they explode. Don’t let your loving relationship be swept away in that explosion.

For more information about what to expect if you Divorce After 20 Years of Marriage or More take a look at this post from the Equitable Mediation Services blog.

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